Second thoughts

[dandysmom]

That is something that doctors and nurses have to learn to do, and I'm sure it's not easy at all to manage to keep detatched and still care. But they do. How? I have no idea...but it can be done. You are so marvelous with animals; as everyone before has said I'd trust you with mine in a second! There must be some literature about that tells how to distance yourself emotionally without becoming hardened....I'll do a Google this evening and see if I can find anything.. (((hugs)))

[babycakes]

I am a qualified grief counsellor and no it doesn't help you to detach I'm sorry to say and it isn't something that can be taught.
When listening to people who are grieving I am able not to show emotion and guide them through their grief but I feel their pain.
This is different to when someone or something dies though and I cry like a baby when it is something and someone I care a great deal for.
I have cried buckets over loosing people and pets but it hasn't stopped me wanting to own future animals nor get close to people.
I know I'm going to be devastated when Denis dies but I knew that when I got him, but I wouldn't have missed him being in my life for one second either.
Unfortunately as a fully functioning human being you have emotions and it isn't healthy to not feel them, also is it healthy to cut yourself off from something you love doing because it may hurt??

It may be best to look at honouring the memories of the animals you loose, memories boxes, a kind of funeral for yourself to let out your grief or going to a counsellor following a death and talking it through with them

Someone once said it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all

[random]

Originally Posted by dandysmom

That is something that doctors and nurses have to learn to do, and I'm sure it's not easy at all to manage to keep detatched and still care. But they do. How? I have no idea...but it can be done. You are so marvelous with animals; as everyone before has said I'd trust you with mine in a second! There must be some literature about that tells how to distance yourself emotionally without becoming hardened....I'll do a Google this evening and see if I can find anything.. (((hugs)))

My friend is a nurse and has been for a LONG time, and believe me, when a Dr or a nurse looses a patient, especially a long term patient, or a child e.t.c., they certainly DO cry and they DO despair, they don't learn how not to do it, they just learn how not to do it in public.

Of course they can cope with it a lot better than you or I and this just takes time but even after decades of working in such environments, they do still shut their office door and just break down. It's just the side we never see.

Elaine I think you need to recognise that you will become attached to the animals in your care and when they become ill or die you will grieve but it will be more shortlived, you won't grieve for as long as you may do for your own but still, you certainly won't forget them. It is raw for you at the moment with the sad news about Tally and in time you will learn to detatch yourself to a degree but never completely.

A lot of non animal people ask me about my lot and cannot understand that if you can become so emotionally attatched to an animal which you will in most cases outlive, you will see many of your best friends grow old and die, get ill, even killed, why do it? And my answer is because the time we do have with them is worth going through the grief of their shorter life span. And I think that it is the same kind of principle here Elaine for you. You need to sit back and think if the job you are doing is rewarding enough for you personally, to outweigh the inevitable grief that comes along with it at times.

[babycakes]

Excellent advice Random
Firstly about the doctors and nurses just not doing grieving in public and secondly about the time spent with our animals is worth the grief. (that is it in a nutshell)

[Liz]

Elaine its because you care that it hurts so much

You will hurt for a long time and its because you care that you will be a great pet sitter and someone who cares and treats the animals as the owners do is a rare and special thing

Maybe have some time out, hug Bernie and be nice to the Diva they will help you through this and be there because you are their Mum and they are lucky to have you

The Clan cats and dogs send Hugs and purrs and wouldn't want anyone else to look after them should we decide to have a weekend away of course 40 little mouths to feed is a challange and one you will rise to as its in your nature to cre as we do about all lifes waifs and strays and you are there for the ones in some cases not as lucky as our own

Which ever way you go you are a special person and the world would be a greyer place without your caring

[Elaine]

Thankyou all for your understanding kind words and advice. It means a lot to know that I can air these things. Certainly alot of food for thought.

[angieh]

You can't stop yourself feeling so much poppet - if you did, it wouldn't be you. But Yola is right, now is not the time to make any decisions while things are so raw. **HUGS**

[dandysmom]

BC, Random. I learned a lot from both of your very insightful posts....thank you!

[babycakes]

Aww thanks Dm XXX

[kado]

I am sitting for two households at the moment i know how you feel. I wish i could bring the all the cats home because of the conditons they have been living in it is not possible and practical . I talk to a lot of people in the villiage who know me as Kado. If they loose a animal i realy do feel sad but happy i have met them. I feed this cat called Kalvin who comes for his sunday dinner and found out that they are leaving in may and started to worry that they might leave him which i know they wont. I think everyone off us on here thinks the same and cares for all the animals they know. I would definatley let you look after my cats i dont trust them with many people but i would you.

jane