Older people and care - your view

Jac · 31-03-2006, 03:49 PM

Kazz, this is a hard one for you. But, at the end of the day it is you. Is there nobody else that can take the desission away from you? I think you already know, but as someone else said whatever you decide it will be the RIGHT one.
You have a life and from what I know about you from talking here, you keep giving bits of you to everyone that needs it. Soon there will not be enough bits to go round.
You have to look at the hole picture and safty for your uncle but.....you know that.
We had (my mum and me) a similar situation a few years ago. George was a "friend" of my mums. She met him after my dad died. She wouldn't marry him so he went in the huff. Anyway someone phoned to say they hadn't seen him for a while. To cut a long story short we went to see him. He was a mess, Walking about in his underpants, no food in the house but his brother was visiting him ( his brother had been dead over 20 years). We called the Doc who at first didn't want involved. After alot of phone calls he was finally admitted to hospital and dementia diagnosed. He is in a care home, quite happy although doesnt have a clue who we are but is polite enough not to let on

.
But at the end of the day he is Safe, fed and sometimes clean

He refuses to be washed.
Its a hard one. Will be thinking about you.

CathyW · 08-04-2006, 08:14 PM

wish u luck sounds like hard work.
b4 my dad was taken ill, i noticed he was having probs getting around his flat, so i got in touch with soacial services, just wanted someone to pop in a couple of times aday just to see if he was ok. but there was a waiting list,well months went by, and we get a call my dad was found in a gas filled flat, he had had a fall while trying to light the cooker, he was there for 6 hours. well after 6 weeks my dad died, the day after my dad died he got a letter from social services saying they where coming to do an assement on him to see if he needed help, well i got on the phone and let rip at them told them because of their incompetance my dad was dead, told them they had murserd my dad.
found out also that my step sisiter was charging my dad 5-00 an hour to a bit of cleaning, i spoken to her since that day, i also found out she had been stealing money off my dad.

Donna · 08-04-2006, 08:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by boys mum

wish u luck sounds like hard work.
b4 my dad was taken ill, i noticed he was having probs getting around his flat, so i got in touch with soacial services, just wanted someone to pop in a couple of times aday just to see if he was ok. but there was a waiting list,well months went by, and we get a call my dad was found in a gas filled flat, he had had a fall while trying to light the cooker, he was there for 6 hours. well after 6 weeks my dad died, the day after my dad died he got a letter from social services saying they where coming to do an assement on him to see if he needed help, well i got on the phone and let rip at them told them because of their incompetance my dad was dead, told them they had murserd my dad.
found out also that my step sisiter was charging my dad 5-00 an hour to a bit of cleaning, i spoken to her since that day, i also found out she had been stealing money off my dad.

Thats a very sad tale Bm

samwise · 08-04-2006, 08:25 PM

This is a very hard situation.
The only experience I have is with my step-grandmother. She had mild dementia and was not coping too well at home. Her GP got the community psychiatric nurse involved and she was brilliant! All services were organised very quickly, home help, meals on wheels, day care (as she wanted) etc etc.
I do think services vary as to where you live unfortunately. She recieved little support whilst in London, but when she moved to Dorset to be closer to family, services were provided and offered very quickly.
Will be thinking of you!

dandysmom · 08-04-2006, 09:08 PM

This is a dreadful situation for you, I'm so sorry. Have no experience with this: my Mom died when I was 25, and my Dad when I was 34. Does he see a doctor? Could you possibly have a talk with the doctor to see if maybe some of his problems are due to medications (this happens a lot with old folks). The retirement village sounds as if it might be acceptable, espercially if he could keep his privacy. Of course he's going to resist it, but you are stretching yourself so thin....you need some help!

Mags · 09-04-2006, 10:26 AM

So sorry to hear about your Dad BM

From my experience, if you need help any time from Social Services it is best to go through your doctor first who will make arrangements for any assistance needed.

Fran · 09-04-2006, 10:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by boys mum

wish u luck sounds like hard work.
b4 my dad was taken ill, i noticed he was having probs getting around his flat, so i got in touch with soacial services, just wanted someone to pop in a couple of times aday just to see if he was ok. but there was a waiting list,well months went by, and we get a call my dad was found in a gas filled flat, he had had a fall while trying to light the cooker, he was there for 6 hours. well after 6 weeks my dad died, the day after my dad died he got a letter from social services saying they where coming to do an assement on him to see if he needed help, well i got on the phone and let rip at them told them because of their incompetance my dad was dead, told them they had murserd my dad.
found out also that my step sisiter was charging my dad 5-00 an hour to a bit of cleaning, i spoken to her since that day, i also found out she had been stealing money off my dad.

Oh BM...how awful

Kazz · 09-04-2006, 12:47 PM

See thats just the sort of tale that scares me. That plus "horror" stories of these carers that "prey" on older vunerable people - maybe I worry to much.

Anyhow an update Uncle Arnie has phoned 4 times in the last 10 days or so to my Mom betwen 2.00am and 4.30am waking her up and telling her he had is unable to get out of the house as "they" have tied the house up with telephone cable and coaxial cable well I have made one journey in the early hours to confirm this is not true.

but you have to check don't you.

Also to make matters worse he has started to put the phone down when we say his name. He is convinced he is being bugged or his phone tapped. I doubt that is the case but we have asked GPO to check (see that I fell back into old terminology

) BT I mean to check the line and nothing they started to "vet his calls" you know ask who is calling etc but no one but us so far

Not sure what to do with him next we have a Doctors appointment next week after easter so wait till then.

Karen

Mags · 09-04-2006, 12:50 PM

Sorry to hear that Kazz, it must be an awful worry for you. Best to wait and see what the doctor says after Easter....

Donna · 09-04-2006, 01:33 PM

Hope the doctors can offer some good advice for you Kazz. It is very hard for you to deal with all this plus all of your normal stuff to do. I know it sounds harsh, but he needs to be in a home where he is looked after 24 hours a day.

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