Thankyou all so much for being so kind and for sharing your own stories. One of the worst things about all this is that our boy was only 3 years 7 months old-we feel like it was no time at all but we would rather have had him and feel all this pain then to have never had him in our lives. I just took it for granted that all four of our boys would be here in 20 years time and see it all with us, i never realised before now just how precious time was. Even losing my Dad never woke me up to that fact as much as losing Raven has. Reading about your 6 year old brought tears to my eyes Yola. I know that it is going to be heartbreaking losing the boys at any age and in any way, but i cant imagine how it could have felt to have absolutely no warning at such a young age. It makes me realise how lucky we were, that even though we still had hope that he would pull through this and that we never gave up on our boy, our vet had warned us of what could happen.
We actually went to see our vet today-he only started dealing with Raven on monday because the vet that dealt with Raven 2 years ago and on thursday and friday was unable to see him. I think it was destiny though because Steve(the vet) is such a lovely man. we see the other two vets quite often, but have only seen Steve a handful of times. He told us how he lives close to the clinic so on monday night he had gone home and came back to check on him at 8pm. he said he was still the same as when we had seen him at 6pm at this point. then he went back again at 10pm. He said Ravens breathing was laboured and he was about examine him and was thinking that he needed to ring us to ask our permission to pts
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but he said that at that point Raven took one last breath and then went to sleep
![Crying or Very sad](images/smilies/icon_cry.gif)
It hurts so bad but we know it all happened the way it was supposed to-just down to the fact that Steve was the vet that ended up treating him that day and then seeing him that night, the fact that Raven could have gone at any time but within minutes of the vet arriving to check on him he decided it was his time to leave. We told the vet thats because Raven always did what he wanted and he would have been too stubborn to let us or anyone else make that decision for him
Its just a great comfort to us that Steve was with him in the end, because i dont think we would be able to handle it at all if we had got a phone call the next morning telling us he had gone sometime during the night, alone and in a strange place, we would have fallen apart completely. We let Steve know that we are eternally greatful for that because i dont think alot of vets would have done what he did and then rang us to let us know so that we didnt spend all night getting our hopes up.
This whole painful time has made us realise how many people with have around us that care, and that includes everyone that has been so kind here. I can honestly say that i am part of many forums and this forum has the nicest, kindest group of people by far. I will be eternally greatful to everyone here too for thinking of us and Raven. I will definately be needing to come here to talk about things. Talking with Steve today made us both feel a little better, even he said he knows what we are going through because he has been there himself and it does help to know others have had this pain and lived through it and came out of it being able to smile. I know we will reach that point, but it just seems so far away right now.
I only work two days a week from home and i suffer from agrophobia which means we usually spend alot of time at home, and im so glad of that because it means we spent alot of time with Raven. but these past few days we have been so torn between badly wanting to stay at home with the other boys, who are truely the main thing keeping us going, and wanting to be out of the house because right now all the memories are too painful. I havent been able to sit in the living room yet, and i havent eaten a meal since monday, but im going to attempt both this evening. I dont know if il be able to because it hurts so bad and doing anything normal feels so wrong because hes not here, but i have to do it for him. my heart is truely aching, i just want him so badly
We also collected some of his fur from the vets while we were there-when we said goodbye on tuesday the nurse asked if we wanted some and at the time i said no, but i rang back later and asked if they wouldnt mind because im hoping to get a type of locket to put some of his fur in and a photo so that i can keep him close to my heart at all times. my OH wants to do the same. I know he will always be with us and that we dont need to have a bit of his fur or his photo to know that, but it will be a small comfort.
The boys have been acting differently too, they are hardly leaving us alone which i am so greatful for because it seems so quiet now with Raven not here. he was the one that seeked attention the most and he was certainly the noisiest! his purr was so loud, i hope i never ever forget what his little cries and his purrs sound like because they are the purest sweetest sounds in the world right now. Id give anything to hear them again
Thankyou all again for letting me talk about Raven and my feelings. I have told my OH to do the same as it really is helping me to talk to others that have been through this. big ((hugs)) for everyone, especially those that know our pain
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Its a pain that i would wish on no one.