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Originally Posted by angieh
You already have three little comforters right there waiting to help you. You all need each other right now. Give them all a hug from me.
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Thats such a lovely way of putting it. Myself and my OH have both said that we dont know what we would have done without the other three, it is definately our boys and Ravens spirit in each and every one of them that is getting us through this without us falling into complete dispair. It would have been so easy not to get up on tuesday morning after finally going asleep monday night, so easy to not do anything and not take care of ourselves, but every day has brought something for us to do-tuesday we needed to say goodbye to Raven, yesterday we needed to collect his fur clippings and speak with the vet. but mostly ive wanted to get up each morning because i dont want to spend a moment more then needed away from my babies. I hope that i dream of Raven every single night when i close my eyes, and i take comfort in the fact that i know hes still here, even now he is helping us through the most devestating time of our lives. We see him in every one of the other boys-its so strange because they have all taken up some of his unique traits, even if they have only done them as a one off, the fact that they never done these certain things before just proves hes with us. We are taking alot longer to do things, we have other animals but they all live in cages that obviously need cleaning and today is clean out day. we got up with the intention of getting them done, but up to this point have sat talking about Raven. I dont see that as a bad thing, im glad that we are talking about him so much and that he is constantly on our minds. We may be taking longer to get things done this week, but atleast we are doing them. We have both suffered with depression in the past for far lesser reasons then this and that has caused us to put things on hold, but this week i feel like he is driving us on, telling us not to give up even now.
We hadnt hoovered since sunday and we didnt want to because we kept thinking that we would be hoovering him away. we made ourselves do it today because we remembered that Raven loved it to be nice and clean. We have a rug in our living room(on laminate flooring) that he would come down and stretch right out on after it had been hoovered, and it was that thought that made us do it and we feel better having done so because it feels like hes here more now, we can imagine him stretching out on that clean rug, rather then avoiding a dirty one! i guess we just have to try and stop ourselves from adding so much attachment to things, when the biggest thing he is living on inside of, is us and our boys.
Its just hard not to, i have been sleeping with a fleecey top that we had used to let him lie on the last few days and then covered him with during his last night with us. even though he had never gone near that top before, i just need something close to me that i know was close to him in the end. it seems so silly but i know you will all understand that here. its the same with the windows needing cleaning, there are lots of nose smudge marks and paw prints on our windows and i wont be able to clean those off for a while i think. i keep telling myself that he is most alive in the boys, but i still cant bring myself to clean away marks he could have left.
We bought a little notebook and pen yesterday because we fully intend on writing down every single memory we think of about him, we never want to forget a thing about him so this is our way of making sure that doesnt happen. that even the silliest of memories can be recalled.
Its helping me so much to talk about him with all of you, with people that truely understand how we are feeling, either because you have all gone through this same pain(and im so so sorry to those that have, i really would not wish this on anyone) or even those that have never lost their babies but like me, could never have imagined how it would feel or even want to imagine it because they know how much it would hurt. thankyou all again x
I just need him so badly
) We only ever really deflea the cats now when they are going to vets because of them being indoor cats and hating the process. Raven hated it most of all and i had to pratically sit on him any time it needed doing because he would fly away and hide where we couldnt get him otherwise. im sure that memory is going to make us laugh many times over in the future, but right now i just wish that he could have been causing us trouble this afternoon over it and maybe giving me a brand new scratch. 
