can anyone help me please....

[MrsH]

I've just been reading through this whole thread.

Oh my goodness, how wonderfully well you've cared for Tinky and his conditions. You must be feeling so exhausted by now, he couldn't possibly have had a more supportive Mum. You did everything possible, your love for Tinky shines through your posts. Take care of yourself.

RIP Tinky.

[PoshPuss]

I'm so sorry Jo but like the other members have said you have been a wonderful, caring and supportive mum to Tinky and you'll have precious memories to hold on to.
Bless you and Tinky, sleep sweetly dear little one, your hurting is over.

[janey83]

Im so sorry. He was so lucky to have you as his mummy. R.I.P Tinky xxx

[yola]

Oh Jo. I'm so very sorry. Both you and he fought so hard for his life but in the end he was just too weak and tired to fight any longer. He is in a good and happy place now and whilst you need time to come to terms with your grief there will come a time when you will smile when you remember instead of cry - and please give poor George a lot of love - he will be mourning his friend too.

I'm sat in the office with tears in my eyes and OH is looking at me strangly - so I must go and mop my face. Your story has been an extraordinary one and I am full of admiration for you and the determination you have shown in trying to help dear Tinky.

I would love to see some pictures of Tinky when your feeling up to it.

[Mags]

I'm so very sorry Jo, you did everything you possibly could for Tinky and your immense love for him shone through to all of us here.

You are really hurting at the moment, I know, but your lovely boy feels no more pain and is sleeping peacefully. The day will come when you will be able to think of him and remember all the little things he used to do with a smile on your face ....... he was a very special friend.

Take care, love to you and Tinky's friend, George... xx

[dandysmom]

Oh Jo, I'm so sorry. He was a fighter to the end when it was too much and now he's free from pain. Do take care, thinking of you and George. Please do keep in touch and let us know how you and George are doing. (((hugs)))

[tilly]

I have just read through your thread I am nearly in tears for you. Tinky fought his best.I hope you are OK.

((((HUGS)))

Tilly

[Natalie]

I'm am truly saddened to hear of your tragic news. Play happily at the bridge Tinky.

[emsie]

I've just read your thread, I really am so sorry to hear your news.
You just have to think that he knew how much you loved him, that is obvious from the way you speak about him.
Thinking of you & George.xxx

[pookyandjo]

hi all,
Thank you all so much for your posts...i appreciate them all so much... and im sure that in time i will come to understand everything that has happened. This is such a new feeling for me..
4 years ago when Tinky was diagnosed with IBD.. he was very sick... they did surgery to get samples of his liver, bowel and stomach.. because they thought he had cancer.. luckily it wasn't.. it was the protein allergy that had cause his sickness... and after he recovered from the surgery.. he was back to his feisty self..I remember before he had the surgery... they had shaved his tummy and given him an ultrasound... it showed that his whole liver was compromised.. thats why they though he had cancer... it was compromised because of the feline hepatic lipidosis.. i can still remember the day that my vet rang me after they had finished the ultrasound...and told me that he needed to see me..i pushed him on the phone for the result...he avoided my question and again repeated that he needed to see me..i told him that i would come down right away.. and i did...when i got there he told that he thought it was liver cancer because the whole liver was compromised with this pattern that looked like cancer..but that he wouldn't know unless they did surgery to get samples..
i thought overnight about what to do... and rang him the next day..we would go for the surgery.. of course.. as i said before... the biopsies came back clear...we changed his diet... and he had 4 more years...more importantly 4 more GOOD years.. visits to the vet were spaced anywhere between 3 and 8 months..he only had the cortsione injection when he had a bile vomit.. which was the sign that the inflamation had built up... other than the couple of scheduled teeth cleaning procedures he was just a happy, precious mummy's boy.. i remember at the time making a deal with God...if he would just left me have him for a while longer...i would be satisfied with that.. having him for 6 years wasn't enough.. well i got my wish.. but i didn't keep my side of the bargin cause im not satisfied.. I have so many feelings at the moment...i feel relief that he is no longer in pain...I feel guilt that i wasn't there with him when he passed..(i promised him every time i left the hospital that mummy would be there when he needed me...I feel guilt that i pushed him to far...but he had always bounced back after these surgeries... in fact before he was initially diagnosed with the haemangiosarcoma.. he had become fearful of noises... we had to disconnect the doorbell he wouldn't sit in his favorite spots around the house, instead under my bed was where he would spend most of the time... only coming out to use his tray and eat...he stopped sleeping on the bed with me...the first time since he was a baby.. again preferring to be under it..after the initial surgery..when they removed the tumour...his first day was a bit rough but he got better and better... and infact the second day after his surgery he was back sleeping on the bed with me and by around day 5 was back in his favorite little sun spots around the house and within a week... he was back up sitting on his stool at the kitchen bench... supervsing me whilst i cooked dinner all the time expliaining what i was doing..If my daughter or husband came in and started talking and i stopped talking to him... he would meow loudly as if to say..."'EXCUSE ME SHE WAS TALKING TO ME FIRST'" The following surgeries were all in relation to the one part of his wound that wouldn't heal.. and that's when i pushed my vet... to do a biopsy prior to what was going to be a final and sucessfull attempt to fix the wound in his groin... a notoriously difficult area to heal because of its constant movment. (My vet had consulted another specialist surgeon for advice on which would be the best procedure to do.. and everyone was working on the assumption that the cancer had been removed in the first surgery)
Of course the rest is history... the path came back, the cancer was still there and we were referred to the specialist.. and you know the rest...
I didn't take this final option lightly... he has always been a bit of a stressy cat... in some ways i defer to my very first post... swinging backwards and forwards..wondering did i make the right decision... or did i not... did i push him too far... or did i not...at the moment i cant get past the guilt of him being by himself when he passed... he bit one of the vets... and that was so not him at all...i was wondering for days before yesterday had the time come... but they kept telling me no...
Has anyone else been in this situation where they feel guilt at not being there cause at the moment i cant seem to move past it.
I got some lovely flowers from my vet today..with a card signed by all the staff and vets at the practise..the card said they had made a donation in memory of Tinky to the ACAHF (Australian companion animal health foundation) which is a lovely thing to do..
Of course life goes on... george is going to the vet tomrrow for his annual check up, immunisation and wellness blood screen.. he was due about a month ago... but with everything that has been going on it kept on being put on hold..

last nght was very hard... before the pet undertaker came i laid on the bed with tinky and talked to him for a couple of hours..i dont think it did me any good... who knows... in the coming days i might feel some good about it but at present i just feel empty.. Tinky will be home in around 5 days..im hoping when that happens i will be able to be feeling a bit more peacful about the whole thing

Again im sorry to vent... but i feel so lost at present

thank you for your thoughts and prayers.. my little boy used to wait in the window for me each time i went out and greet me at the front door each time i came home... i pray that hes waiting by heavens door for me.