Dilemma - need your thoughts folks

[Velvet]

There is a family that live nearby, they have a lot of pets - cats but mostly dogs. One of the cats - a big male - not very old, about 12-18 months started to come to us a while back looking food. Lately I have noticed he is looking more and by that he is looking for affection - even to the extent of winding himself all round the dogs legs but also looking access into the house

So far I have not allowed access into the house as
(A) I wouldnt like to think anyone was feeding my cat [guilty]
(B) I wouldnt like to think they were taking the cat into their house & encouraging them away from my own house

However knowing the circumstances with this family I can see how desparately this boy wants company and affection. I suspect they just put a certain amount of cat food into a dish and leave the cats to it - well I know for a fact that they do. First come first served type of thing.

Tonight he cuddled into my arms and I found it so hard to just walk away. If it hadnt been for the fact the dogs were with me [even though he is used to dogs] I am sure he would have walked into the back of the house [which is a utility room], I think he just might want to move in. The family are close enough to notice "their" cat should he choose to sit on the window sill - as ours do.

Also I dont know what our kitten's reactions would be?

So, what do you think is best, should I just continue as I am doing, giving affection and food outside the house or allow him access. It concerns me with winter coming round

[angieh]

What a hard choice to have to make. You say he's a big male and I take it that he's a tomcat?

[smudgley]

Leave well alone would be my honest answer....

[Shelley123]

I don't know what to advise you Velvet, it's a difficult situation.
We are in a similar one but it's more clear cut than yours.
The Cats next door to us are unwanted and neglected so we do what we can.

[calismum]

Difficult one - if you opt to become more involved then you'd probably need to speak to the family, even if just to tell them their cat is choosing to visit you (sort of 'I just wanted to let you know in case you think we're trying to steal him from you'). If not then all you can do is what you're doing just now and hope he gets into the house at nightr or knows somewhere warm and dry.

Good luck, don't envy you that one.

[Velvet]

Originally Posted by angieh

What a hard choice to have to make. You say he's a big male and I take it that he's a tomcat?

as far as i know hes neutered. Cant see evidence of any boy bits! Hes not aggressive, anything but. He shys clear of the small very aggressive female from further down the road. She is cat aggressive! Hates her own kind.

[angieh]

Well, that's a blessing anyway!

I was thinking along the lines of protecting your own animals from him, but if he is not aggressive that crosses that off the list.

I think talking to the family is really your only option. Before you do you should be sure about whether you want to take him on IF that turns out to be an option. It sounds as if you and he are in the process of bonding. Don't get too close before you find out what YOU want to do and the family's wishes.

[dandysmom]

That is a dilemma. I'm inclined to go with talking with the family and seeing how they react .... do let us know how it progresses. Poor boy, he sounds starved for affection .....

[Kim]

Not an easy one. I think I would talk to the family too.

[Velvet]

Unfortunately not approachable. He was there tonight in the rain when I let the dogs out looking pathetic. So I fed him and gave him a cuddle