Growing Old

[belladiablo]

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.



Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.



Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.



You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.



Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies: They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.



My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.




It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.



If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.



I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.



There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is already full.



The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.



The nice part of living in a small town is that when I don't know what I'm
doing, someone else does.



The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body
and your fat are really good friends.



Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.



Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.



Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.



You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing.



I don't mind the rat race, but I could do with a little more cheese.



I had to give up jogging for my health. My thighs kept rubbing together and
setting my pantyhose on fire.



WOMEN: Remember, as we get older we no longer have hot flashes. We now have power surges.



Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a while, and it shrinks two sizes.



Age is important only if you're a cheese.



Freedom of the press means no-iron clothes.



Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but she can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.



Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.