Essex Hurricane Appeal

[Elaine]

Latest news!



A major hurricane (Hurricane Shazza) and earthquake measuring 5.8 on
the Richter Scale hit Essex in the early hours of Friday with its
epicentre in Basildon.

Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Faaackinell".

The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of
damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the
Costa Del Sol were damaged beyond economic repair.

Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals
were woken well before their giros arrived. Essex FM reported that
hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still
trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had
happened in Basildon.

One resident - Sharon-Tracy Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It
was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my
bedroom, crying! My youngest two, Chardonnay-Mercedes and
Chardonnay-Mercedes slept through it all. I was still shaking when I
was skinning up and watching Trisha the next morning." A reporter
enquired if the other 2 children were also called Chardonnay-Mercedes,
and on learning the news that this was the case, the mother explained that
she used the children's surnames when calling them to avoid confusion.

Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried
on as normal.

The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny
Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are
still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of
personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth
Duke at Argos and Bone China from Pound-land.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those
unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most
sought after - items most needed include:

Fila or Burberry baseball caps

Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)

Shell suits (female)

White sport socks

Rockport boots

Any other items usually sold in Primark.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

Required foodstuffs include:

Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of Colt 45 or
Special Brew. 22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.
£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9. £5 buys
B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

**Breaking news**

Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry
alco-pop. 'Where are you bleeding from?' they asked," ROMFORD" said
the girl, "woss that gotta do wiv you?

[Mags]

[yola]

OMG - that had me in stitches SO much . . . I can't wait to see what Emma (Essex girl extraordinaire ) has to say about this . . .

[Sweet]

Good one x

[Jac]

That was really funny