Older Cat & Kitten not getting on

[Sugarant]

Back in August, we adopted a stray, three month old female kitten who was about to be put down (no room at any of the shelters) and while I was a bit concerned at the time about how Merlin, our two year old neutered male, would take to her, he had regular, playful contact with other neighbourhood cats, so I thought he would probably be alright.

It isn't. At first, Merlin was alright - we did the introduction in stages as recommended, and he mainly just ignored her. But then she started trying to play with him and to be honest, she was pretty relentless and irrepressible - no amount of cuffing from him would deter her from jumping all over him and rolling in front of him or biting him - and while he was quite gentle with her at first, he eventually started wrestling and pinning her to the floor in quite an aggressive way when she started, although he never actually hurt her. He also started spending more and more time outside, sleeping downstairs instead of in our room and refusing to sit with me at all.

It's over four months now and I'm confused by his behaviour. He hisses at her all the time - if she comes near him when he's lying down, if she tries to play or bat or chase him, if she's on our bed. Sometimes he sits in front of the cat flap when she tries to come in, batting it closed over and over again, yet at the same time, he doesn't seem to mind if she grooms his ears, or if she tries to eat out of his bowl while he's eating, or if she sleeps in his bed.

I feel wretchedly guilty about bringing the kitten home because at best, he's irritated by her and at worst, he hates her. While he seems to have gotten over his beef with me, I'm still concerned about the constant hissing and the fact that he avoids her as much as he can. The kitten isn't bothered at all, but I really hate the idea of Merlin being permanently unhappy. How long does it usually take for cats to accept each other? Is it possible it could still happen or will he hate her forever?

[paulinef2]

My cat Tiger was 11 when I got Lester last year in May and still doesn't really tolerate him. Like you I kind of thought it would be fine due to his interaction with some of the local cats. Has your kitten been spayed yet? Maybe now she's maturing, could be the cause of the constant hissing. Someone with more knowledge will be along with some words of wisdom soon

[Elaine]

Took me 6 months once to introduce Bernie to Eva. Sometimes the best we can hope for is tolerance. It can sometimes be helpful to go back to the drawing board and re-introduce them. There are also products on the merket which may help alleviate some of the stress of the intro's, feliway, zylkene and maybe some rescue remedy would help.

[fancyabrew]

we have the same with Chloe and Marmaduke. Shes around 15 he's now 15 months. He is relentless in trying to grab her, he gets sprayed with water locked away for a while, but he still does it. She spends most of her time hissing at him and running away, whilst he searches the house for her! At night we have to lock him away as otherwise he sits on the window sill outside of our bedroom (where Chloe likes to sleep) and ambushes her when she leaves. She can give as good as she gets but shes only around 3.5Kg and he's not far off double that in size

[Sugarant]

I am a bit worried that they'll just never get on. Poor Merl looks so weary of her. Elaine, the idea of reintroducing them is a good one. How do you do that? Start separating them again?

Fancy, how long have you had Marmaduke?

[fancyabrew]

had him just a year

[Elaine]

Have taken this from elsewhere but thought it was very informative and may help you. Bear with me as it may be in several posts.

Feline Hierarchies

Cats are often believed to be less social than humans or dogs, but they are very intelligent and they learn to adapt to new environments quite easily. In fact, data collected over the last 20 years shows that domestic cats are indeed quite social and are flexible in their sociability. So cats tend to form hierarchies and learn to live in environments with other cats, pets and of course humans.

However, introducing two cats to each other can prove to be a lengthy process, especially if both are adults. This is mainly because the hierarchy system of cats is a rather complex process.

How hierarchies work


With dogs (and wolves) the hierarchy system is called 'absolute': each individual has a place in the system which is in force in all situations, until they win a better place or are 'fought down' by another individual.

Cats on the other hand have what is called a relative hierarchy: each individual has a different position depending on time, place, and situation. In this type of hierarchy there is a top cat who will become the one 'in charge'. This is not always a straight-forward matter since there will be different leaders with different 'responsibilities' depending on the situation and environment. For example, among indoor cats the leader will be the one who receives visitors in the hall and checks if they are dangerous, takes care of other cats or humans, and investigates anything new and interesting. Therefore it is not always the biggest and strongest cat who becomes leader, but usually the one who has one of the following qualities: intelligence, the ability to stay calm in stressful situations, calm, natural authority etc.

The purpose of the hierarchy is to make sure that the cats work with as little aggression as possible when sharing the same environment.

[Elaine]

Introducing a new cat to your resident cat(s)

Cats are territorial and they need to be introduced to other animals very slowly in order to give them time to get used to each other. Slow introductions can prevent problems and conflicts from developing. The incoming cat will rarely be a problem as it is going into strange territory, it is usually the resident cat who may display initial hostility to the newcomer.
It is important that you have realistic expectations when introducing a new cat to resident cats or other pets. Some cats will get along with other cats or even dogs better than others. An older cat that has never been around other animals may never learn to share her territory (and her people) with other pets in the household. However, a kitten separated from her mother and siblings for the first time will prefer to have another cat or dog companion. Provided introductions are carried out carefully, most cats will accept another cat within a month or so.

[Elaine]

The 3 key steps when introducing a new cat to the household

1. The confinement stage


The new cat should initially confined to a spare room, before introductions begin.
Please see The 'Bonding Room' for full details of the confinement stage.
At first, the new cat should be confined to one room, ideally a little-used room such as a spare bedroom, along with a litter tray, food and water bowls, a bed, scratching post, hiding places and of course toys. The new cat should be left explore the room on her own, as it will become his comfort zone for the next few days, in some cases longer. A cats anxiety level is largely controlled by the confidence they have in maintaining control of their territory, so a cat will be less stressed if they are left alone at first, and also if they only have to cope with a small environment to begin with.

Once the new cat is relaxed enough to start eating and toileting normally, then the next step is to start feeding your resident cats and the newcomer on opposite sides of the door to this room. This will help them both to associate something enjoyable (eating!) with each other's smells. Gradually move the bowls closer to the door until the pets can eat calmly on either side of the door. Another good trick is to tie a toy, such as a catnip mouse, to each end of a shoelace or piece of string, and thread it under the door. In this way the cats can begin to play 'with' each other, without actually coming face-to-face.

[Elaine]

2. Swapping of scents

Switch sleeping blankets between the resident cats and the newcomer, or even rub a soft towel on the new cat (without upsetting him) and then place it somewhere in the room where the other cats can sniff it. Once the new cat feels relaxed and at home, allow him to explore the rest of the house while at the same time allowing the other pets to visit the new cat's room, still keeping the door to the bonding room closed at this stage. To a cat, scent is more important than sight in the first few days.

This switch allows the cats to experience each other's scents without a face-to-face meeting. It also allows the new cat to become familiar with his new surroundings without being frightened by the other pets.

Be aware that if either pet has a medical condition or is injured, then this could delay the introduction process since cats will pick up different scents.