cat behaviour with children-help desperatley needed!!!

[clarebear]

I am writing in desperation to ask if anyone can help advise me about my tabby cat- Thomas.

Thomas is about 2 years old, we inherited him from an old neighbour, he is a tom cat who is only nervous generally of car journeys-trips to the vet etc. Generally he is fine, he's not affectionate in the least (unless you count cupboard love!) but has his strict routines, has an insaitable appetite and enjoys his indoor creature comforts a lot.

We had notice that every time my 3yr old nephew came to visit - which isn't often as they live out of town- he would become agitated and run away at even the sound of his footsteps, he is fine with all other adult visitors and we have checked to find that even as a kitten he has never even been handled by a child/toddler so don't know why he acts like this.

This Xmas was particularly bad, nephew mum & dad were visiting here for a few days - longer than normal and he literally wouldn't come near the house even to try to eat. It's like he's punishing us now as when he does come in he sprays- he's never done this before and just wants to go back out- he also won't respond to our calls he sits nearby outside howling back. It's heartbreaking.

He is finally in today in front of the fire with no obvious injuries but he looks thin and weary and his normall buff white paws are black.

The major problem is that we are about to have a new baby. I know that we must have him neutered despite the upset that will cause, but am desperatley worried that he will react the ame to a crying baby and go 'homeless' again.

We just want him to be happy and not distressed, we love Thomas very much and he is as much a part of our little family as anyone.

Can anyone explain this behaviour or suggest anything that might help???????

[smudgley]

Hi Clare & welcome to Catsey, it's great to see you are seeking help about your cat.


I think the answer was in your post...he's never been handled by young children. Although it's hard to understand why, babies, toddlers & young children are actually quite a thread to cats / dogs. We find this hard to accept, because we know children are harmless, but to a cat, babies / toddlers are small, noisy & give lots of eye contact & often made sudden moves / move quickly. In a cats world that's quite scary (now I'm not saying your nephew is like that, but that would be how the cat would see it)
How long have you had the cat?
Firstly I would suggest you get him neutered asap, this is something in my opinion that should have been done when you first got him? Do you know entire male cats carry a high risk of having FIV (aids virus) & leukemia virus & the other obvious negatives of an entire male are that they spray as you are finding out & they will sometimes display challenging behaviours / or try to be dominant. The other thing he will be doing is getting all the unneutered females in your area pregnant which is not ideal either.

I would get him neutered and then have a long think about weather it might be better to rehome the cat?

It really depends on his background & what life he led for the first 2 years of his life, is he an outdoor cat who would be happy to live outdoors?

[yola]

Hi Clarebear. Welcome. I think Thomas must be neutered asap, this will calm him down significantly. He is currently very territorial and threatened by lots of things.

Also, your nephew is an occasional visitor. He's fast, loud and changes direction quickly. I know, my youngest is 16 months old and my oldest is 4.

I have 2 cats, one of which is fine with the boys and the other is very nervous and will confine himself to our room, out of reach until the boys are in bed.

Thomas might never be happy around small children, however it could be that once you have your own child, he will gradually come to accept the baby as they grow together. However, he may not. In that case to prevent a very stressful time for him (and you - you will have your hands full with the baby), it might be better to seek a new home for him.

I would however wait and see until you bring baby home, ensure the introduction is as gentle as possible, and see how it goes from there!

[Moofster]

hello and welcome to the site !

I would just like to add and agree to the excellent posts above.

He's just acting normal for a male cat that is still intact - he will want to go out and unfortunately get into some fights and skirmishes with other males that are out and about looking for the ladeez.

He can be a happy member of your family if you have him neutered and work on integrating him into your family It does take time and effort but it is worthwhile and it sounds like you'll have a fantastic kitty to love and care for.

Let us know how you go on - good luck

[clarebear]

Thank you so much for your replies.

I suspected that it was mainly due to him being unneutered and like you all pointed out the fast unpredictable actions of a toddler.

We have only just become official 'owners' of Tom just before Christmas but as he lived next door and spent most of his time in our house we have known him since he was born. We have taken him for his vet visits and in reality his home was always - as chosen by himself- at our house. The first thing on our list was always to have him neutered, for all the reasons mentioned- this week if possible now that the descsion is ours. I was hoping for it to be as stress free as possible but know i'll have compounded problems with him now.

I desperatley don't want to lose him or stress him by rehoming and want my baby to grow up with him as a 'feline brother' as we'd hoped but obviously if it's making him unhappy it is something we'll need to consider.

I will try to make the introduction as gentle as possible and make sure that his space and routines are respected as much as possible, sometimes people seem to forget about their cats once babies arrive-I guess it's only natural but I think of Tom as my firstborn!

Thanks again so much for your thoughtful replies- hopefully the neutering and a little time will sort it. I'll keep you all updated on baby and cat!

[sylvest&tweety]

Hi Clarebear

I have not been a cat owner for very long but have young children. Our oldest cat who is about 7 months is wary of my youngest daughter who is 3 - and i don't blame him!! she isn't nasty to him but is still lacking a bit of understanding about feelings etc and she can be quite in your face/loud etc. we have just been carefull making sure that she is never left alone with the cats at any time (the oldest one sylvester just runs away from her anyway). The youngest one who is about 8 weeks is not so quick and he can get a little man handled if we are not quick enough. I guess that I would just make sure that he is never left alone with your new baby - although I have friends who had a similar problem with thier cat but he has been very protective and affectionate with thier child.

anne

[Megsy]

Hopefully your cat will gradually become used to your new addition. He will have plenty of time to become used to the babies smell/prescence while the baby is unable to reach out or crawl after him.