Glasgow jokes

[Elaine]

>What do you call a dwarf that falls into a cement mixer?
>A wee hard man
>
>Why wasn't Jesus born in Glasgow ?
>They couldn't find a virgin or three wise men.
>
>What do you call a man who takes a small size in a shoe ?
>Wee Shooey.
>
>What do you call a man who takes a small size in a shoe and can't find
>his dog ?
>Wee Shooey Douglas.
>
>A guy walks into a GP's surgery.
>"Doctor , Doctor! He cries , "you've got to help me, I feel like I'm
>turning into coconut"
>Says the doctor, "You're bountae "
>
>What did Dracula get when he came to Glasgow ?
>A bat in the mouth.
>
>There were three coos in a field. Which wan wis oan its hoalidays ?
>The wan wi a wee calf.
>
>What do you call an illegitimate insect ?
>A fly bastart.
>
>Hear about the lonely prisoner ?
>He was in his cell.
>
>What famous costume drama TV series of the 1970's was named after a
>queue for the toilet ?
>The Aw Needin Line.
>
>The man in the clothes shop insisting on a maroon jacket.
>"Fur ma roon shooders"
>
>Hear about the stupit skindiver?
>He didny have a scuba.
>
>Did you hear about the London criminal who fell foul of the Glasgow
>Mafia?
>Apparently they made him an offer he couldn't understand.
>
>What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a social worker ?
>Ye can get yer wean back aff a Rottweiler
>
>What do you call a Glasgow Sikh who enjoys karaoke ?
>Gupty Singh

[Het]

Brilliant!!!!!

Loved the three coos!!!!!!!!

[dinahsmum]

Very good

[Jac]

Made me chuckle this morning