so sorry i'm venting again.

[Tink]

well when it rains it pours.
seems like i'm always posting negatively, aren't i?
i'm sorry you guys. i've just detached myself from everyone that used to be in my life. i need friends.

so, my OH had a few too many drinks tonight and divulged something i didn't know.
his mother..and what she said about me a few weeks ago.

apparently she has NO IDEA how i could possibly be disabled and i "need to go out and get a job already".

i'm so extremely hurt. this is a woman who her son had no interest in keeping contact with. i brought them together for holidays. reminded him to call her on mothers day, etc.
i've exchanged so many emails with her, even confided in her about some personal things that have caused me to be this way. i've made a total fool of myself talking the way i have with her sounding like she was on my side and then knowing what she really thinks of me.

it hit hard b/c in my other post i was venting about all the stuff with the doctors and how i felt so invalidated when the care manager basically implied i was lying about trying to get the doctors to help me and do more serious testing.
now this.

i don't need to prove to ANYBODY anything.
i don't have friends. i don't reach out to people b/c i always have something like this happen and with my past experiences and how many times i've been burned i am so done with having "in person" friends. i only did this because it was his mother and i wanted to have a good relationship with her and i was brought up to always respect your elders.

i've told her things but she doesn't know me. if i told her everything that brought me to this point it would take forever. how dare she.
for some reason, all my life people have made grand false assumptions about me.
i reached out and it happened again.
i'm done.

i don't want to see her. i might get over this in time for the holidays but i told my OH to not plan on it, which he really didn't care b/c he's had his problems with her as well.
please don't tell me i need to be the bigger person. i actually am because i have this problem holding my tongue after all i've been through and things pop out of my mouth before i even have a chance to think. i'm upset but i wouldn't risk saying any of this to her...and especially in person. it just wouldn't be right. and THAT is why i don't want to see her nor talk to her right now.
let's just say my OH wasn't exactly heartbroken if you know what i mean.

forget it. my animals love me. i have four cats and two ferrets that don't search out my flaws. they find the good in me and yes, they do know my flaws but they love me as i am and focus on the good.
not like every human i've interacted with. very much not.
they are pure and beautiful. i wish i was an animal. sometimes i'm ashamed to say i'm part of the human race.

after screaming and crying with my OH, he fell asleep and i went in and hugged cuddles (she is always up for a cuddle) and cried into her fur. looking into her eyes i realized it didn't matter. i have such blessings right here with me who cares about people and what assumption they have made about me now. they are so forgiving. people have wronged her and this little girl has nothing but love to give. i admire it and also know i'm not capable of it and realize how much better an animal is than a human. they are amazing.

*sighs*
just needed to get that out before i could get to sleep.
good night.
tink

[LorrH]

To Tink

I think that you need to look after yourself, you need to be a little bit more selfish and start some self-preservation for your own health and piece of mind.

You have actually got to a good stage, not a bad one, it's a stage that says 'I've had enough and I now need to be positive and strong and not to let others push me around'!

Keep your head held high, do not talk to those people who cause you hurt, YOU DO NOT NEED THEM, THEY ARE OF NO USE TO YOU, SO FORGET THEM! You will be stronger and happier, don't feel that you are being mean - again think of it as self-preservation of your own mind. You may find it takes a year or two to be completely happy, but you will be stronger in that time and you are doing a fantastic job with all of your animals, there are not many good people around like you to take care of our little friends.

You can do it and you will be appreciated a lot more the stronger and more positive and less you speak to these people who upset you.

[dandysmom]

LorrH has put it very well. You're a fine, loving, caring person who's had some terrible breaks healthwise and relationship -wise; you have overcome so many things with strength. Your MIL sounds like a not very nice person at all; I'd avoid her as much as possible. Hope it helped a bit to vent; we are your friends here, Tink! All we can offer is an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on a bit...try to, as the nuns when I was in school used to say, "consider the source" of the unkind remarks. BIG (((hug)))!

[babycakes]

Tink

You must be very heartbroken but remember some times we say things that we don't really think through. I'm not excusing her but from what you say she doesn't sound like she would intentionally hurt you. However that said nad done ur OH shouldn't have told you that either.
Some people think that unless we are physically disabled then we SHOULD be working, but they don't see the underlying issues.
You are a strong woman Tink who has been through a hell of a lot and I wouldn't let this one silly (although hurtful) comment bring you down. You would love to be working, you would love to be feeling better but you are currently prevented from doing so.
Chin up babe we love ya, your animals love ya and your OH loves ya (to bits and pieces). You do a lot of hard work with those animals and you are becoming stronger every day.
Remember where we are you can vent any time

[angieh]

Yes Tink ..... all as above and (((HUGS)))

[Tink]

thanks all of you *gets teary eyed* i think i'm so exhausted i'm getting so emotional and sensitive. i need to tap into more strength.
means a lot. i really just needed an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on and your responses did help.

[dandysmom]

Any time you need to, Tink!