i have a full time job. it's calling and begging the doctors to take me seriously.
i won't list off all my ailments, you're all probably sick of hearing about them and even if not, frankly, i'm tired of hearing myself talk about em
this is what i deal with:
call and say i'm still very sick still, someone telling me their first opening is eight weeks out. fine, i take it. eight weeks of misery later, a cheerful doctor says something like "maybe it was something you ate", "maybe you need to cut out the caffeine", "maybe you need to change your diet", or "okay let's stop this pill and start you on this one and see what happens". i tell them all the history in my family and ask for tests. i get "no you're too young", "i don't think you have that, it'd be a waste of time", "well maybe i'll order it next time you come in".
i go home and drive myself nutty trying all the suggestions. i still feel horrible and the anxiety of what is happening to me increases. i'd be happy with a diagnosis and treatment plan. or even some validation. or someone who takes me seriously. or maybe compassion.
i call and leave messages. someone passes me to their manager. someone passes me to a nurse. someone tells me come in in another eight weeks and "we'll see".
the cycle starts over.
i go to the walk in clinic. they tell me to take something over the counter and call my doctor. thanks for nothing. i go to the ER and they seem annoyed that i'm taking up space for real emergencies, put me in a room for an hour, give me a pain injection and send me home and tell me to call my doctor. yes, i've already done that.
back to square one.
other doctors, you ask? no one in my county takes my insurance but them. insurance of course that the government has given me for disability.
i suppose i could drive a few hours. but i'm so dizzy i'm scared to. i could have my OH drive me but wait..the economy is bad and his hours got cut and he is fearing he'll be laid off and we are just making it with the bills. plus, neither of us can afford gas money to drive to places out of this county..we are struggling to drive in this county because of the insane gas prices.
i'm totally exhausted. i've gone in circles on the telephone with these people for hours again.
and it takes me hours to do anything around this house. three hours to do something that used to take me fifteen minutes. it's hard to stand up in the shower sometimes.
and i just get transferred to another voicemail where i have to repeat this whole thing all over again.
if i get the energy to do the dishes i have to lay down for at least an hour and a half to catch my breath and get my energy back up.
i push myself to play with the kids but i have to lay down. they look up at me curiously wondering why mommy can't play longer. i feel guilt and frustration and just hug them.
just needed to vent. this has been going on over and over since december. i just want to feel better..or at least be on the right track for it or know something is being done to treat it. the furkids need a healthy mommy. i want to cry but i am simply all cried out.
the only consolation is knowing that i am trying my hardest to feel better and i'm trying to do something about it. but honestly i am running out of energy and i'm starting to wonder if it's worth the stress anymore.
Our health care system is in dire need of being fixed...(((hug)) Wish I could say something other than I'm so sorry how things are going for you.....
