When does it go too far?

[miggy]

Looking for advice anyone can give me on how to make sure play fighting between my two cats goes too far...

I have a 2yr old male (Gandalf) and a 1yr old female (Missy), and on the whole they get on fine. They never get aggressive with each other around food, they play, and you can often catch them licking each other, although they never sleep too close. In face the only dominance issue is usually around sleeping places.

My concern is when they play, he gets a little too rough - as he is much larger than her, even though she is now fully grown.

She will sometimes hiss and run away - but then give her 5 minutes and she is looking for him and stalking him for another round, so I don't think it bothers her too much. I am wondering if I am the worrier?

The background of my worry is once I had two cats who often played in such a way, one being younger and smaller than the other, and the younger one died during such a play fight. Again it was never violent, just boisterous boys playing - and we have been advised anything could have been wrong with the the young male, but to this day we do not actually know what happened.

So do I put my past behind me and let my two now carry on, or is there a way to keep it friendly? I don't think it is unfriendly, Gandalf just gets too boisterous. Boys will be boys....

Looking for anyone who can put my mind at rest, has a similar situation, or advice? Would something such as Feliway calm the situation somewhat? I don't want to stop them playing! I just want to keep it playful!

Thanks in advance

[Elaine]

Personally, I'd say to leave the past behind you. I would have thought that there was something more going on with the dear cat that died than him actually dying because of the fight. I think it highly unlikely that something like that would happen again but I can imagine that it was very upsetting for you.
In general cats fighting can seem and sound soooo much worse than it actually is. If you can, try to give them more sleeping spaces, airing cupboards, cardboard boxes etc are excellent hidey holes for cats. Maybe if you can provide a few more, they wont fight over them so much.
Feliway may help to aleiviate some tension or perhaps some zylkene (this is a food supplement).

[miggy]

I think it is just me being over worried. Its just he is SO big compared to her and once he has her pinned she doesn't have much hope!

The sleeping position thing is probably not because they don't have enough places, more they want the one the other has got!

BUT when it comes to food, each will happily give theirs up for the other. It is a funny old relationship, as deep down I think they love each other, and I imagine in old age we will find them snuggled up together!

Just to note - we did the introducing the right way, kept them apart until he wanted to meet her in the room we kept her in etc. So there wasn't really a problem there.

I think you are right and I need to just chill out!! Maybe I need the Feliway!

[Elaine]

I have a better idea, get yourself a stiff drink and dont stop until the bottle is dry
I'm sure they will be fine.
I can understand your concern though, I am the worlds biggest worry wart.

[angieh]

I do have the same situation going on here with Kizzy and Pip but not having the very sad background as you do, it doesn't worry me. Pip is a young lad, 19 months old and Kizzy is between 2 and 3ish. Pip is much larger and quite boisterous and does tend to pounce on Kizzy. But like your two, they do love each other, mutually groom, always greet each other nicely and generally get on really well and never "argue" over food. They mostly sleep apart.

Are your two outside cats or are they in each others company all the time?

I agree with Elaine - try not to worry!

[miggy]

They are both outside cats... tend to be in all day (mainly sleeping!) then out most the night....

We try to break them up if it gets too boisterous on his part, but should we just leave them to it then?

[angieh]

It can be dangerous to try to break up cats that really are fighting. My Pip is such a softie that I only have to put my hand on his head if I can see he's aiming to jump at Kizz and it distracts him. Perhaps distraction would be better.

[wilbar]

It doesn't sound like this is anything more than a bit of rough play & probably nothing for you to worry about

If they were really fighting because they hated each other, you'd know it!! Plus it's likely there would be other behavioural changes in one or both of the cats & often you get toiletting break downs in times of such stress.

Personally I would continue what you're doing as well as putting in place the things suggested by Elaine. If it ever does look like things are getting out of hand, then distracting with food, or a toy thrown across the room, may give you a chance to calm things down.

It's to be expected that cats may compete over warm, safe sleeping places but not to compete over food. That's quite natural in the feline world if you understand a bit about the ethology of domestic cats & their wild counterparts.

For cats that have evolved from desert-dwelling small felines, no wonder they need warmth & don't like cold, draft, wet weather. So perhaps a few squabbles about who's got the best bed can be expected. But can also be easily resolved by providing a few more suitable sleeping places, as Elaine suggested.

Cats are not only predators, but can be prey too, due to their small size, plus they are often competitive over territory ~ so this is why finding somewhere safe is vital before they can relax their guard & get some sleep ~ they are very vulnerable when asleep, so need to feel safe.

However cats are small solitary predators, only they can catch & eat, or find food; they don't hunt as a pack like a lot of canine species, nor do they rely on any other cat to supply them with food. They have to stay fit & healthy in the wild or they die. So there is nothing in the feline repertoire of behaviours that makes them compete for food. They may compete over the territory they need to supply them with food, but not over food itself. Occasionally cats may squabble over food, but this is usually a learned behaviour, not a natural one.

Cats have only relatively recently been domesticated (& in fact, there is one school of thought that says cats are not really domesticated at all) so the fact thet we feed them & supply warmth & safety is only a recent event in evolutionary terms. The hard-wired & ingrained innate behaviours are still what drives "domestic" cat behaviour

[Donna]

Yours sound friendly so wouldnt worry too much.

Mine fight but they are not friendly. They never groom each other, never sit near each other, and usually are in separate rooms. Chloe goes out of her way to lay in wait to attack Misty who always is the one being attacked. She has a rip in her ear at the moment and a scab on her neck from the attacks. I am beginning to wonder if the situation with mine is getting to a level where I need to do something about it!!! But no idea what!!!

Yours still groom and sit together and eat together so think they are playing more than anything.

[dandysmom]

I'm inclined to agree; play-fighting that gets a bit out of hand. The distraction is a good idea, also the Feliway wouldn't hurt. And maybe a little Bachs Remedy for you, with that unfortunate memory. Or, as mentioned earlier, a good stiff drink of whatever you fancy~!