Peter Kay funnies

dinahsmum · 20-12-2005, 09:50 AM

These are just great

PETER KAY ONE LINERS!

1) I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said Thyroid problem?'

2) When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked
him to forgive me.

3) I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to
go swimming.

4) I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on
with my real ladder.

5) I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I
ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

6) A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Bypass.
Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.

7) Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From there on it was sticks and stones all the way.

My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.

9) Sex is like bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

10) I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said
'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'

11) If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?

12) I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

13) You know that look women get when they want sex? No, me neither.

14) Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living.

15) I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

16) Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think
I've forgotten this before.

http://www.smileycentral.com/sig.jsp...p=ZNxdm824YYGB

yola · 20-12-2005, 10:52 AM

Very good . . .

Kay · 20-12-2005, 06:10 PM

Love them. Peter Kay is fantastic.

Donna · 20-12-2005, 10:16 PM

Very funny!!!

Fran · 21-12-2005, 12:17 AM

I like Peter Kay too

smudgley · 21-12-2005, 12:27 AM

Me too, me & hubby watch his DVD's over & over again.

"She lost fourteen stone in a day" - that's one of my favourite bits.

also like the bit about different dancers, the "bent over dance", the "dancing on the way to the dance floor dance"

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