Would you be mad if...

[random]

Your OH went to a friend's cocktail party (but didn't drink a drop of alcohol as was driving) and the next day, plastered on a certain social network site...was a pic (amongst others) of him with a girl you don't know/have never met, sat on his knee?

I have not even mentioned it TBH as I didn't think it was worth the aggro but my sister seems to think I should pull him up. I believe it's innocent enough (on his part, not a clue about the lass) so it didn't really bother me too much, although I wonder how he would feel if it were the other way round, might well just test that out....

It was at the house of one of his friends who had came bk from uni or something, and no, I wasn't invited...

If you have me on said network site, you can see said offending pic for yourself on my profile.

[dandysmom]

Uh oh! Never been in a situation like that, but communication is important in relationships. I think I'd bring it up in a non-confrontational manner and see how he reacted ....

As you're a couple, why weren't you invited?

[angieh]

I'd ask him about it, as Eileen says, non confrontationally. Get his side before thinking about what to do next.

[random]

Originally Posted by dandysmom

Uh oh! Never been in a situation like that, but communication is important in relationships. I think I'd bring it up in a non-confrontational manner and see how he reacted ....

As you're a couple, why weren't you invited?

I have no idea Eileen, we haven't been together all that long (about 6 months) but I am yet to meet any of his friends properly, I have met one, very briefly (he works in a shop and we went in to say hi ). But my sister said the same, apparently it was 'just old school friends', I didn't even bother asking if anyone else brought their partners tbh.

Well I asked my sister to post it on my profile on said site so when he comes home on Thurs he will clearly see it and I will be interested to see if he comments at all/what his comments are.

Originally Posted by angieh

I'd ask him about it, as Eileen says, non confrontationally. Get his side before thinking about what to do next.

Thanks Angie, I am 99.9% sure it's innocent but is it acceptable? I did feel a bit gutted when I first saw it but I try not to be possessive or jealous as that has been my downfall in the past so now I have became quite chilled and just let most things go by the wayside, (and subsequently get walked all over usually!) you just can't win!

[Kazz]

Interesting question, to be honest at this stage of my relationship I would take no notice at all, but thats because I know him too well and trust 100% but trust is built slowly brick by brick.

You have been with him 6 months its not long, and not something even in total innocence I would be happy about so early on, especailly as you were not invited I would kinda expect 6 months into a (serious) relationship to be treated as a couple and for my partner to say "I assume the invite includes my girlfirend" sort of thing.

Now if I choose to go would be another question but I would like to be treated by his friends as a partner.

Ask a question by all means, sometimes a picture is simply a picture. But remember you deserve to be treated with respect and deserve someone who treats you well.

[aliwin]

Hmmm, yes I would be as I think it shows a lack of respect for your feelings but then it may well have been so innocent it didn't cross his mind. I'm guessing by recent events he's not much of a forward planner

Maybe because you are trying not to be possessive or jealous he was trying to get you to react??? Perhaps he takes your relaxed attitude as not caring enough??? He is a bloke after all!!

One other thing, are you trying to protect him?? When I met my OH he was single just doing his own thing no responsibility. I had 3 youngish children 5,6 and 8 and as you know a million pets and I think I tried to protect him a bit from the reality of all that responsibility because I thought it would put him off. I used to be quite lax in what I would let go e.g gambling when we didn't have money to, that sort of thing. We have been together for 4 years and he now wouldn't dream of doing something like that but he had to see that for himself. I am glad I stuck with it though when others said get rid!!!

I think his trip away could well have been a wake up call for him and is the perfect chance for a heart to heart. Tell him it upsets you to just discover it and a heads up first would be nice.

Good luck Kel, he sounds like he is getting there just needs a bit more fine tuning

[random]

Originally Posted by Kazz

Interesting question, to be honest at this stage of my relationship I would take no notice at all, but thats because I know him too well and trust 100% but trust is built slowly brick by brick.

You have been with him 6 months its not long, and not something even in total innocence I would be happy about so early on, especailly as you were not invited I would kinda expect 6 months into a (serious) relationship to be treated as a couple and for my partner to say "I assume the invite includes my girlfirend" sort of thing.

Now if I choose to go would be another question but I would like to be treated by his friends as a partner.

Ask a question by all means, sometimes a picture is simply a picture. But remember you deserve to be treated with respect and deserve someone who treats you well.

Kazz you know what, you have hit the nail right on the head. I do believe it's totally innocent (I could be wrong but, i'm pretty confident) but it's the lack of respect for me by him doing that because I know for SURE that if it were the other way round he'd not be happy at all. But if I pull him up and ask him, "hang on a sec, do you think that's right?" I will get all "Oh we are just friends, you're overreacting e.t.c."

Another thing that has been bugging me is a few weeks back he accidentaly sent me a txt intended for a friend of his (female) saying something like"Oh yes, we should go to the cinema for definite". Which was fine, only 2 days before he'd told me he was too busy to go with me....i'm still waiting...

Thanks Kazz, you're in prayers today, hope all goes well. x

[random]

Originally Posted by aliwin

Hmmm, yes I would be as I think it shows a lack of respect for your feelings but then it may well have been so innocent it didn't cross his mind. I'm guessing by recent events he's not much of a forward planner

Maybe because you are trying not to be possessive or jealous he was trying to get you to react??? Perhaps he takes your relaxed attitude as not caring enough??? He is a bloke after all!!

One other thing, are you trying to protect him?? When I met my OH he was single just doing his own thing no responsibility. I had 3 youngish children 5,6 and 8 and as you know a million pets and I think I tried to protect him a bit from the reality of all that responsibility because I thought it would put him off. I used to be quite lax in what I would let go e.g gambling when we didn't have money to, that sort of thing. We have been together for 4 years and he now wouldn't dream of doing something like that but he had to see that for himself. I am glad I stuck with it though when others said get rid!!!

I think his trip away could well have been a wake up call for him and is the perfect chance for a heart to heart. Tell him it upsets you to just discover it and a heads up first would be nice.

Good luck Kel, he sounds like he is getting there just needs a bit more fine tuning

Thanks you so much, yes I am trying to protect him from it, I have a kid and a small petting zoo.

I think you are right about it not crossing his mind, same as this holiday, but it should cross his mind really shouldn't it? Because it's made me feel quite crap, especially the holiday.

I think you are right too about the trip away being a wake up call for him - least that is what he's said too and how he's going to be so good to me when he gets back but when he does get back I will be interested to see how long this 'new him' lasts. I don't really blame him as if it doesn't enter his mind then what can you do? But no easy if this kind of stuff is gonna happen all the time.

He needs training like a bad dog!

[alexgirl73]

Hmm, this is a bit of a difficult one isn't it! My way of handling it would be to make a joke of it, and see what he says, perhaps something like 'loved the pics of the party you were at, see you managed to score as well!' , keeping it lighthearted, and by his reaction you should get a good idea of how he feels!

[random]

Originally Posted by alexgirl73

Hmm, this is a bit of a difficult one isn't it! My way of handling it would be to make a joke of it, and see what he says, perhaps something like 'loved the pics of the party you were at, see you managed to score as well!' , keeping it lighthearted, and by his reaction you should get a good idea of how he feels!

Thanks Alex, I had a word with him, he's clueless as to what he's done wrong. I know it was innocent but I dunno, not something i'd have done. Maybe I will now. JK