Heartbreaking

[Donna]

Catsey has always been a very friendly forum - sometimes too friendly I think. Where everyone says everything nice about anything all the time. This in itself can sometimes feel a bit wrong.

I have belonged to other forums where there is bitching and nastiness in a scale you would not believe. If you think what has happened over the last few days is bad, you ought to join a well known rabbit forum. That will open your eyes to a horrid place.

We need to get a happy medium. Somewhere not too friendly that it is sickly and where we can voice opinions and feel able to disagree if that is what we feel, but also to not start to get into the hatred and bitchiness. This just makes people leave (I left the rabbit forum over being wished dead in a thread as I admitted to eating meat).

So maybe we could try for a happy medium? Forget being nice all the time, but dont be nasty either. Just put your point of view across.

[Kazz]

Originally Posted by Donna

Catsey has always been a very friendly forum - sometimes too friendly I think. Where everyone says everything nice about anything all the time. This in itself can sometimes feel a bit wrong.

I have belonged to other forums where there is bitching and nastiness in a scale you would not believe. If you think what has happened over the last few days is bad, you ought to join a well known rabbit forum. That will open your eyes to a horrid place.

We need to get a happy medium. Somewhere not too friendly that it is sickly and where we can voice opinions and feel able to disagree if that is what we feel, but also to not start to get into the hatred and bitchiness. This just makes people leave (I left the rabbit forum over being wished dead in a thread as I admitted to eating meat).

So maybe we could try for a happy medium? Forget being nice all the time, but dont be nasty either. Just put your point of view across.

Without wishing to sound too nice can I say that spot on.

[borderdawn]

Its not just Luke Jac at all, luke was just the icing on the cake, he was told by plenty NOT to let that Cat roam and he said he wasnt and she was watched at all times, well she wasnt was she, and the fact of the matter is luke is a capable young man who has been in control of rearing and traing a working Gundog breed, i think he has enough knowledge to know exactly what was going to happen, its an insult to him to suggest he wouldnt.

[yola]

Originally Posted by Kazz

Without wishing to sound too nice can I say that spot on.

Again, at the risk of being sycophantic (sp), I would agree 100% with Karen and Donna. Exchange of opinion is vital, disagreement is the very lifeblood of questioning minds . . . but it needs to be managed within the confines of civility and mutual respect.

[Het]

Originally Posted by Elaine

Its unpleasant here because sometimes issues need to be addressed and not swept under the carpet.

It should be possible to address issues without making people feel guilty and upset. People like Random and Luke are longstanding valued members of this so called community, and should not be made to feel this way. Its terrible that people are reluctant to share news of their pets for fear of the response. The strength of this board has always been the sense of community, there will always be differences of opinion,rightly or wrongly, but that basis of support should still be there. Nobody should be left feeling hurt or condemned!

[borderdawn]

I know my gob flaps at 100 miles an hour, and i know I speak my mind and am opinionated, thats just how I am, but its only because of the way in which these Cats are being abused (and the way in which this site is perceived) that I am so passionate about this.

its very patronising to commend people like Smudgley and Alex, then condone and congratulate people on "accidental" litters, when they SHOULD of been prevented if the Cats were being cared for properly.

[alexgirl73]

My final wod on this will be this post.

I also thank Kazz for her kind words and it does mean a great deal to me also. Luke has come in for so much criticism because of a number of reasons. He is an extremely knowledgable member of this forum and knew the extreme risks of letting bella have outside access. In his many posts on this forum there has always been an excuse for not having her done, while other pets have been. This speaks to me of deliberately wanting her to have a litter, especially when he spoke of knowing exactly which cat impregnated her. he may only be young but as he is more than capable of giving us information on cats then I'm equally sure he was able to impart that knowledge to his parents. And what really got to a lot of people was the tone of his post, where he almost demanded that we not criticise him in anyway!! WHY? what makes him immune to other people anger? I for one have no problem with anyone who chooses to breed cats, PROVIDED it is done in a safe manner, with cats that are health checked etc. There will always be a demand for pet cats but this should be supplied in a proper way!
A lot of unpleasantness has been caused by this issue because, as Kazz says, this is a subject very close to peoples hearts. I for one have absolutley no gripe with anyone who has had an accidental litter when it is exactly that, owners who have tried very hard not to have their cats 'caught out', but for those who have taken no precautions at all I have no sympathy and if that makes me a b***h then so be it.
I have sorted out my problem with the other person concerned and was very seriously considering coming back on here after my trip up north, but now I dont think I'll bother. Catsey has changed, and not for the better! This was a lovely place where views could be aired in a sensible manner and if people disagreed then it was usually sorted out quite amicably, not so with this one! And tbh, I dont see how it can be when so many condone through their inaction what Luke and others like him have done!

[borderdawn]

Originally Posted by Het

It should be possible to address issues without making people feel guilty and upset. People like Random and Luke are longstanding valued members of this so called community, and should not be made to feel this way. Its terrible that people are reluctant to share news of their pets for fear of the response. The strength of this board has always been the sense of community, there will always be differences of opinion, but that basis of support should still be there. Nobody should be left feeling hurt or condemned!

I think youre wrong here het, the very fact that people are condoning these issues is the fact that Catsey isnt growing as it should. Its stayed a small "community" as you put it, whereas it should be like Dogsey a HUGE community. This type of iressponsible breeding would NOT be tolerated on Dogsey, nor any other forum where animal welfare was a prime part of it, on here, its "oh well whatever" and the newcomers dont stay.
Dawn.

[Elaine]

Originally Posted by Het

It should be possible to address issues without making people feel guilty and upset. People like Random and Luke are longstanding valued members of this so called community, and should not be made to feel this way. Its terrible that people are reluctant to share news of their pets for fear of the response. The strength of this board has always been the sense of community, there will always be differences of opinion,rightly or wrongly, but that basis of support should still be there. Nobody should be left feeling hurt or condemned!

Does that mean if you are not a long standing member you are not valued on this forum?
I would say having been a member for almost two years is pretty long standing.
It was not my intention to upset people but the reason behind it all is because I find it all upsetting or is my upset not valued either?
Maybe if people were more honest about their intention to breed moggies instead of skirting around in the back ground then pulling the "accident" card (and before any one jumps on that one again accidents CAN happen but not to the frequency that it happens here). The debate could have been then and not after the fact.

[Donna]

The reason Luke and the others got so upset with the questioning over their "accidental" litter is that they are not used to it. No one has ever dared raise an eyebrow for fear of not looking "nice".

And this is the fault of the forum being too sickly nice. We need to be able to feel comfortable saying "I think it is wrong you have let your cat have kittens" when most of us post "aww cute kittens".

We are all being hypocritical. Which is why people dont stay on this forum and it is still relatively small.