Steven 4/08/1988-2/12/88

[Jac]

For my wee boy Steven, I have no grave to visit and have never done anything like this before in my life! You would think after 17 years I would have "got over it" but no, I hope this may help.
Steven died of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (cot death). He was 2 days short of 4 months. 3 months before that my Dad died of cancer. I was always there for my family and never got the chance to greive for Steven. Sean at that time was only 5. His whole world had collapsed!
I treasure each day with my family and try not to take anyone for granted (includeing friends)
I dont want you to feel sorry for me, I'm being selfish. I'm blinded by tears at the moment but thought if I shared this it may make things easier (for me).
Sorry if anyone feels Ive been a bit off with things, just so much going on in my head just now, and I really enjoy coming here for a laugh.
Thank you for reading about my wee baby boy.

[Fran]

Jac...I am so sorry to read this. I cannot ever imagine what the pain of losing a child must be like and to lose your father too in such a short space of time. You never get over something as tragic as this and who could expect you to, you just learn to live with it. At least take comfort in the fact that your dad is looking after Steven for you. You will all be reunited again one day and hold onto that fact to see you through the dark days...

RIP Steven x x

[Jac]

Thats wierd. I saw a spiritualist after my gran died (three months after Steven) she basically told me that they were all looking after eachother.
It was a hard time .........but I do feel better for "getting it off my cheast so to speak" Thanks Fran
You got it in one. You learn to live with it, 17 years and I haven't got over it. Kind of says it all

[Fran]

I take comfort in the fact that my loved ones are waiting for me...It helps me cope with my grief. I am a great believer in things happening for a reason and I think your dad was taken to look after Steven for you...

[Jac]

It was just so hard at the time and even now. First Dad, then Steven, Then my Gran (dad's mum) within 3 months of eachother.
I'm the "strong" one in the family "oh Jac will get on with it" It's not always that easy though. Even now. Mum goes away on all the aniversary's and I'm left "to get on with it. Does that sound a wee bit bitter? It's not ment to. Just what happens

[Fran]

It's not bitter at all Jac....but I suppose everyone 'copes' differently and your mum's way of coping is probably to get away, she possibly can't deal with the pain. Some people can face the pain and deal with it and others have to run away from it and try and forget...if that makes sense

[Jac]

Yes it does. I do know that deep down. It's just her way of dealing with it. It makes it harder for me because Derek wasn't with me then and god help us he couldnt even remember his own birthday, bless his cotton socks, he would be mortified if he knew I was on here now.

[Jeanette]

Oh Jac

I'm so sorry. I haven't lost anyone really, so I cant say I understand how you feel. But I can imagine it, and gosh it must be so hard

As Fran said, I think you dad and gran are looking after Steven till you all meet again.

And no, you dont sound bitter, and you are not too much.

This is a great place to come and talk about things... With your friends.

Hugs for you and RIP Steven

J

[Jac]

Thank you so much. The day before for some reason is always the worst time. Dont know why.

[dinahsmum]

Oh Jac - what a sad anniversary day for you - and a fitting horrible grey day here. {{{hugs}}}
Be nice to yourself today and count your blessings - I'm sure you do xx