"I prefer the 'splatted-out' school of thought on relaxation..."
"Of course you must be very careful not to sprain anything whilst achieving momentous levels of splatted-out-ness! It can be very harrowing relaxing completely, and beginners may find themselves very traumatised, especially if they haven't got what the humans keep calling a 'doormat' but which is clearly a scratching post all for me."
"In our doormat series of exercises, we also have the 'I have no front paws' position, but this should not be attempted by beginners, certainly not without extensive stretching first."
"And if you cannot acquire a doormat or the conservatory is too hot, you can always replace it with a chunk of hot granite such as your humans may or may not provide out the back door. Surrounded with lovely flowers, not to mention weeds your human may or may not be too lazy to weed
You will reach a state of idyllic peace."
Sweep, on the other hand...
"Stretching is key to a decent bit of relaxation. First, put your feet in next door's back garden. Then try to stretch all the way to your own front window!"
"Have a catnap if it all becomes too gruelling to keep up with..."
"Sometimes a wash is all you need to get you back on the track of being a puddle of fuzzy purring."
"And last but certainly not least, pepper your performance with displays of cuteness so extreme they make human eyeballs melt in a five-mile radius of your delightfully sweet little tail."
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