Funerals flowers or donations?

[Kazz]

I have had the bad luck of attending 2 funerals in the last few months one for close family, one for the Dad of my 'best' friend from school.
At Katrina's Dad's funeral as you do myself and a few friends had a discussion about what we'd like when it comes to the time & one friend said he'd prefer just one spray of flowers & donations to a charity.

I think fowers mostly because a lot of people seem to me to feel 'better' giving flowers I've noticed, and as I would be dead it would not matter to me, but making the people who are grieving feel better is the one idea of a funeral isn't it?
Sadly though I did notice that a lot of the flowers, as beautiful as they are, when there is a cremation are left to die which seems such a waste & was wondering what everyone else thought? but at the cremation the flowers seemed to be a point of 'conversation' to the mourners - especally individual ones such as 'a dart board' ect.

Morbid topic I know, I'm just interested.....

[Naomi]

Interesting topic Kazz.

I would insist that all flowers are to go the family. I can't abide to see flowers just left at a cremetorium to die.

I'd leave it upto the individual parties

[logoes]

Personally I feel it should be 'family flowers' only and donations to a charity which was close to the deceased heart. Flowers are beautiful but they die so quickly whereas a donation lives on by helping others, Logoes

[dinahsmum]

It's too sunny to talk funerals!
I think an awful lot of money is wasted on things which are unnecessary (not 'the wake' - some sort of passing over party/assembly/ceremony is vital) like flashy coffins, flowers, etc etc. I have given my OH strict instructions to take me to the crem in a sack (that follows the strict instructions to last longer than I do).
Actually, despite being a cremation person, for as long as I can remember, I am becoming more and more drawn to the 'woodland burials' on offer here. Just a little, unmarked, plot under the trees. Might as well do some good and return my atoms to the soil to grow trees.
Back to the flowers ... I think it's entirely up to the 'most significant' person who is left behind, unless the deceased has left specific instructions. I'm a 'no flowers, donations to Water Aid' person.

[Mags]

I like giving flowers and I loved seeing all the flowers at my parents cremations. We did specify, however, that all the flowers would be distributed to the local hospitals and nursing homes after the ceremony. Relatives loaded their cars later and delivered them to the grateful hospitals and homes later.

I think, too, that it depends if you are a 'flower person'........both my parents loved their garden and flowers and mum always had a vase of fresh flowers in the house. I know they would both have appreciated the beautiful array in their memory......

[Hreow]

I think Mags has the right idea. The flowers may be a heartfelt right for the mourner and will cheer someone else up in a home afterwards.
I really don't care what happens to my remains. I've suggested donation to science, but left it open to chief mourners (if any) to decide. I agree with DM that it's the people left behind who need to be allowed to grieve in a "comfortable" way. Whether that is a grave, a tree, a future for a charity-cause (or every time they empty the bin, right DM? ), it's personal.

[CathyW]

id like loads of bright clothes to be worn, a few flowers and the rest pass the hat around and have a knees up on the collection. no sad faces cause i hate seeing ppl sad, so smiles please.and if anyone was sad id come back n haunt them and i like the sound of that woodland burial, i like the woods any way.

[Kim]

It depends on the relatives, but I think the family flowers only and donation to charity is the best idea. Whn my uncle died, it was very important for my aunt to see so many flowers, I respected that, but it does seem an awful waste, especially in this weather when flowers don't last long at all. When I used to work in a residential home for the elderly, they didn't actually like the 'funeral flowers' as they knew where they had come from!!! I notice from obituries in our local paper that when patients die that have recieved care from a Marie Curie nurse the family request donations to the charity so we can help more patients with cancer in the future.

[dandysmom]

It does make me feel better to send flowers; and I agree that they should go to hospitals & nursing homes. When my parents died I found it very comforting to see so many lovely flowers. I'm a cremation person, so wouldn't expect any to be sent.

[Nicola]

I do not think that people waste money on having flashy funerals. I think it can help with the grieving process. We had a death in the family a few weeks ago. She was only 16 and we had everything. White horses, glass carriage with a police escort. This girl will never have a wedding I wonder how many would think nothing of spending £10,000 on a wedding. As it happens the funeral cost no where near that amount but she got the send off she deserved and the flowers were bought home afterwards.