Jokes

[Elaine]

A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my
> intelligence come from?"
>
> The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother,
> cause I still have mine"
>
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> "Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce Court
> Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week," "That's
> very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll
> try to send her a few bucks myself,"
>
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't
> like the looks of your wife at all. "Me neither doc," said the husband.
> "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.
>
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has
> been living with for the last 40 years.
>
> The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words
> that were used to put the curse on you.
>
> The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
>
>
> ---------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder
>
> 1.. All the DNA is the same.
>
> 2. There are no dental records.
>
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll
> take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?"
>
> The agent replies, "Just a minute.."
>
> "Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.
>
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
>
> "How was he killed?" asked one detective.
>
> "With a golf gun," the other detective replied.
>
> "A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?"
>
> "I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."
>
> ---------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde
> wearing the tightest pants he's ever seen. Finally his curiosity gets
> the best of him, so he walks over and asks, "How do you get into those
> pants?"
>
> The young woman looks him over and replies, "Well, you could start by
> buying me a drink."
>
> ---------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion."
>
> Joe: "Really?"
>
> Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell."
>
> ---------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is
> feeling.
>
> "I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in
> surgery," he answered.
>
> "What did he say," asked the nurse.
>
> "OOPS!"
>
> ---------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display
> of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since
> I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's
> advice.
>
> "What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"
>
> "Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one
>

[alexgirl73]

LOL Elaine! Very funny.

[Donna]

Very good Elaine!!!

[Mags]

...very good Elaine!

[dandysmom]

Still chuckling! Good ones!