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Elaine's Avatar
Catsey Veteran
 
Cats owned: 2 moggies
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Aberdeen, Scotland
Posts: 15,256
19-03-2007, 06:08 PM   #1

Something to offend everyone


SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE!
What is the difference between
a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What do you see when the
Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts?

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.


What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between
a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs

What's the difference between
a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends

What's the difference between
a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

What makes men chase women
they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

What's the difference between
a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.


What did the blonde say when
she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to
move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do men find it difficult
to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

Why do drivers' education
classes in Redneck schools
use the car only on Mondays,
Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

What would you call it when
an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.





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Sweet's Avatar
Catsey Veteran
 
Cats owned: 10 cats (stray stayed) 3 sleeping x
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Bristol
Posts: 6,852
19-03-2007, 06:10 PM   #2

Re: Something to offend everyone


Brilliant ones there x



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Jac Jac is offline
Catsey Veteran
 
Cats owned: Raggie and BSH
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Edinburgh
Posts: 11,575
19-03-2007, 06:14 PM   #3

Re: Something to offend everyone


Very good!



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Erin's Avatar
Catsey Veteran
 
Cats owned: Moggy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Kidderminster
Posts: 6,272
19-03-2007, 06:53 PM   #4

Re: Something to offend everyone


brilliant!



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