Why we love children

[Elaine]

Why we love children

1. A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it wasdead.

"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.

"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the childinnocently.

"You did WHAT?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.

"You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst' and it

didn't move"


2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.

Five minutes later....."Da-ad...."

"What?"

"I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?"

"No, You had your chance. Lights out."

Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."

"WHAT?"

"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"

I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!"

Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."

"WHAT!"

"When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?"


3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,

finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"

The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and

out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's
sake,
Dylan, come in or stay out!'"


4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was
tucking
her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked
with
a tremor in his voice, "Mummy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The
mother
smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.

"I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long

silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."


5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the
children'ssermon.

All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl waswearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the minister
leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your EasterDress?"

The little girl replied, directly into the minister's clip-onmicrophone,
"Yes, and my Mum says it's a bitch to iron."


6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three yearold
came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into theshower.
She said, "Mummy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey,remember
Mummy has a baby growing in her tummy."

"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your bum?"


7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two
plusfive, that son of a bitch is seven.

Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...." His mother heard what
hewas saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"

The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mum." "And this
is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.

"Yes," he answered.

Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are youteaching my son in math?"

The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The motherasked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that
son of a bitch is four?"

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught themwas,two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."


8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of ChickenLittleto her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken
Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Littlewent up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is
falling!"The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think thatfarmer said?"

One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy ****!Atalking chicken!'"

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.


9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, I'm Mr.Sugarbrown's daughter."

Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm JaneSugarbrown."
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't youMr.Sugarbrown's daughter?"

She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."

10. A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with theboys?"

Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're toorough."
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, If I canfind a smooth one, can I play with him?"


11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She standsnextto the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a
snack cake The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair onyour muffin."

She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."

[Fran]

absolutely brilliant!!!

[Jac]

That was fantastic. Haven't laughed so much in ages!!! Show's you my sence of humor!

[Erin]

brilliant!!!!

[alexgirl73]

ROFLMAO!!!! Genius, sheer genius!

[janey83]

Oh no lol, they were good.

[smudgley]

love 2 & 15

[Mags]

brilliant!!