Embarrassing Medical Exams

[Elaine]

1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going
to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff,
rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and
began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed
that there were several cabs --- and I was in the
wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX.

2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope
on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's
anterior chest wall. "Big breaths,"I instructed. "Yes,
they used to be," replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I
told a wife that her husband had died of a massive
myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later,
I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that
he had died of a "massive internal fart."

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment
with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor,
that he was having trouble with one of his
medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch", the
nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and
now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him
quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't
see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch
before applying a new one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

5.. While acquainting myself with a new elderly
patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?"
After a look of complete confusion she
answered..."Why, not for about twenty years - when my
husband was alive."

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR

6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your
breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for
the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the
taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see the
jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labelled "KY
Jelly."

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a
young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker
Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing
strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined
that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was
completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff
noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and
above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the
grass."

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a
short note on the patient's dressing, which said,
"Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

Submitted by RN no name

AND FINALLY!!!................

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was
quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams.
To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a
habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon
whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out
laughing and further embarrassing me.

I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm
sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor,
but the song you were whistling was, "I wish I was an
Oscar Meyer Wiener".

Dr. Wouldn't submit his name

[dandysmom]

Loved them! People are so weird....

[alexgirl73]

PMSL!!! Very good Elaine!