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PTSD/freaked out.okay, so one of the reasons i'm on disability is post traumatic stress disorder. to most people, what i'm going to say might sound silly but i'm hoping i can get some support as i don't really have anyone to talk to right now. two years ago i was assaulted and "violated" by a group of men. i left state and have moved here but still have flashbacks and anxiety and paranoia. i am getting better about leaving the house on my own as long as it's daytime (the incident happened at night). my boyfriend works the night shift (4pm-4am) monday through friday. the last two nights someone has been driving into my driveway and ringing the doorbell/knocking the door..just once. the dogs go crazy for a couple minutes and then they leave. sounds like not a big deal, right? i'm not used to living in the small town that i do now and have always been a city girl where you only answer the door when you're alone at night if you're expecting someone who has called first or if it's the police. i only have one window to the front door that is right on the door that (i know i'm looney) i've foiled up and spray painted black..i have also done this to my bedroom window (i also have a bad past with peeping toms). so, i can't see this person..it's obviously not a neighbor and me and my bf can't think of anyone who would be coming by that doesn't have our phone number or internet contacts..and no packages should be coming. and all i keep thinking about is that night and those men... we have a gun but my bf has hidden it because he doesn't quite trust me with it (which i don't blame him) so i've just turned out the lights and am keeping a knife with me wherever i go around the house. eight more hours till my bf gets home...sigh.....  my bf ordered a camera that will let me see who is at the front door on our television screen under the video 2 setting...but it's not coming till maybe next week...he just ordered it this morning. i'm not close to my neighbors and i don't have any friends that could come over..i have social anxiety disorder....oh, and my closest family is four hours away...  i am freaking out..i'm not sure why i'm posting, maybe it just makes me feel better..i guess i'm venting. thanks for reading... tink
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Oh Tink  *hugs* .... just *hugs*Could you talk to your local police about it? And I don't think you are loony at all! Just because someone knocks on your door, doesn't mean you have to answer it, and hopefully you will feel much better when you get the camera installed. Take care hon *hugs* |
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Oh Tink, what a horrible situation; with that background no wonder you're freaking out; anyone would! As a single senior citizen living alone I'd be very upset if that happened to me... not sure if calling the police would be of any help, but it might ease your mind a bit to try. The camera is an excellent idea; hang in there, and do feel free to talk here; we are your cyberfriends and we do care!!! (((hugs))) Eileen |
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I hope the calls at the door and the ringing of your doorbell are all innocent Tink but I quite understand your fear after learning what you have been through and suffered over the years. The camera is an excellent idea and I am sure it will help to put your mind at ease. Is there any way you could get a spy hole fitted to your front door as well? You have plenty of friends here on Catsey who care about you .......in fact you can probably voice your worries and concerns a lot better here than if you were face to face with a friend.......... often sharing your concerns with someone can help you to feel better in yourself too. Take care Tink ((((hugs)))) |
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Tink I can totally understand the fear you are feeling. A couple of years ago we were out with friends and there children. We were randomly attacked. It happened in the same street my son works now. The first time I went there after being attacked I was a bag of nerves. So much so I was offered a chair. I wouldn't go there when it was dark and made sure someone stayed with my son while he waited for his bus. ( a wee bit OTT) but it made me feel safer. You will get better. It takes time. Your already going out again, so that's the biggest step. Good for you!!! As Mags said we are here for you. |
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Tink I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way. I do feel you need to talk to someone professionally about how you are feeling and maybe recieve some cognitive behavioural therapy to alter the thought patterns that you have that are raising your anxiety levels. What those men did to you was not your fault and they have heightened your senses and raised your fears and you really need to talk to someone about what happened and how this is still affecting you in order to move on emotionally. The fear that you have about someone knocking is rational though as it's late to call and they should call back at a reasonable hour if they need to speak to you and the camera should ease your worries. However do consider joining some social groups maybe even the libiary (computer club) or taking up a hobby or night school course that will enable you to meet new people and gain friends in the area. this will help you emotionally and mentally. Good luck Tink hugs to you at this time((((((()))))) and remember you can pm me any time X |
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thanks everyone...i see a therapist every two weeks and go to dialectical behavior therapy group every friday...i also have medication for it but it tends to knock me out and i'm scared to be debilitated in case i get attacked...the person has not come by the last two nights, thank goodness...just waiting for my new camera..LOL. |
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I'm so glad the mysterious knocker hasn't been back, and that you're getting some help with your difficulties after the trauma! I hope being on here is helping a bit... |
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Tink it will take time for you to feel secure it's like trust, once broken it's very hard to mend. X |
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