Cats in the Bedroom at Night

[meep]

(I wasn't sure where to post this, I think it may be 'behaviour', sorry if it's not mods!)

Since the day we've had Darcy and Minsky we've allowed them free access to every room in the house at all times (apart from the bathroom, or when painting etc.) as apparently the previous owner did this. The two of them now will always sleep on the bed at night. It's very comforting, and I do really like having them on the bed, but for several reasons I am considering keeping them shut out of the bedroom at night.

Firstly, as I am a big, big softie, I am worried I'll "hurt their feelings" With my cats at home, when I was a kid, my mum and dad would both say "don't let them rule over you. They're just cats". Now we all know cats were born to rule over humans, but we need to sometimes regain control So I am worried that this may alter their interaction with us and make them less affectionate, although I really hope not.

Secondly, the actual process of doing this is, I can tell, going to result in about two weeks worth of pitiful, heart-wrenching yowls and incessant scratching at the bedroom door. We have only once shut them out one night as an experiment and Darcy did eventually stop, but the next night he ran through to bedroom and plonked himself right between us at our heads and started purring very loudly, so the poor love was obviously distraught. Normally they both sleep at the foot of the bed, not touching us, so this was quite unusual.

They would still be allowed in the bedroom during the day (we put a throw over the bed during the day, so they can sleep on it but don't get hairs all over it), and at the weekend in the morning would be allowed in. But there are several reasons I'd like the bedroom 'cat-free' at night (one particular one, I'm sure you savvy folk can work out.)

So, I'm looking for advice on this. Does anyone not allow their cats in the bedroom at night? Has anyone switched from allowing to not allowing? Does anyone think this would make them less affectionate toward us or would they adapt and eventually get used to it as the norm?

As a kid we lived in a house rather than flat, and the cats just weren't allowed upstairs, they were only allowed in the kitchen and downstairs living room, and they slept 'out the back' (the boiler room). (it was a very big kitchen and they had outdoor access so weren't 'stifled or caged'.) The cats were never allowed on the beds as we were all allergic (my mum too) and my parents maintained it was unhygenic as they were outdoor cats and could have ticks, bugs etc. But as these two are indoor cats I don't see it as unhygenic.

Anyway, any advice or comments people can give on the matter would be greatly appreciated! After owning them for 6 months I am now well and truly wrapped round their little paws and hate the thought of 'hurting' them (emotionally!) but do really feel the need to reclaim the bedroom at night. I like my own space, and like things to be clean. And cats make the bed quite hairy, and don't give me and OH our own space. Also, they wake us up in the mornign by walking all over us and knocking things over... Can be endearing but mainly irritating!

[angieh]

Oh meep - I do totally understand your reasons for wanting the bedroom to be cat free and if you can manage by moulting time next spring, you'll be very pleased with yourselves. I do not think that you or your OH are being cruel to Darcy or Minsky. Also, they are jolly big cats and take up loads of room too I'm sure.

We have always allowed Merlin and Smudge (when she was alive) free run of our bungalow. Smudge hardly ever came on the bed - usually only when I was poorly and in bed during the day did she come and be "nursemaid". Merlin normally only comes on the bed if the weather is especially cold and now we have the woodburner and his thermal cushion, he stays in the lounge until early morning when he joins us. He rarely actively tries to wake us up and now that he is a much slighter cat than previously even when he perches on my hip, he does not trouble me.

Right - so how to go about getting your two to sleep happily somewhere else? Firstly, I would try to provide a couple of warm cosy cat beds somewhere of your choosing. I am remembering that you have storage heaters, so night time is probably the cosiest time in your flat - perhaps put their beds in the vacinity of a heater? So once you are sure they will be warm and comfy, close the doors. You are right and you will probably have to suffer a while of piteous wailing and scratching at the door - but you shouldn't give in if you want to have time to yourselves.

Good luck!

[dinahsmum]

An interesting question, well posed and, yes, we can read between the lines and work out why you really don't want them there
I think that practically and intellectually, it's obvious that we should restrict access to the bed to humans. The cats lie anywhere they like on the bed and we, humans, seem to have some inbuilt programming to accommodate them, twisting ourselves so as not to disturb them! Quite daft.

That's the theory. We've always allowed any cat any access it wishes - and woken stiff in the morning to prove it. Even now, with a very wide bed, we both inwardly cheer when they prefer to stay downstairs with the embers of the fire than join us in the bedroom.

I suppose we could shut the door and keep them out . ... but we never have.

meep - despite all I say, I agree that you should keep the bed for yourselves. It probably won't be easy and you may not be able to do it. Do you think it might be easier on you
if you start once the winter has passed. You won't feel so mean.

Good luck

[angieh]

One of my favourite cards .........

[meep]

Thanks for the reply Angie, it's nice to have some reassuance that I'm not doing the wrong thing!

To be honest, they don't currently have cat beds! Not out of cruelty or stinginess. When we first got them we got two boxes and put fleecy blankets in them (a cat doesn't know the difference between an actual cat bed and a box with blankets!) they were very comfy and cosy, and they used them once or twice then decided the chairs under the table were far comfier Also, it's quite strange, but both of them are quite 'warm' cats. They have quite thick fur, especially Minsky, and even when the flat is cold, they'll sit by an open window and I've never once seen them settle in front of the storage heater. But if we did lock them out the bedroom I would invest in cat beds and position them in the living room (where the storage heater is) but not in front of the storage heater as I think they'd find this too warm. I was in the petshop yesterday and they had some really lovely looking cat beds, with a faux fur interior, even I would happily sleep in a human sized one! But I think I'll need to buy one for a 'small dog' rather than cat, as the cat ones are teeny! Poor Minsky would be hanging out both sides

They are just very affectionate, and quite often will fall asleep leaning against our legs. I think they just like to be close.

I've not discussed this with OH yet, as he's been away all weekend and I started thinking it over seriously in my head yesterday. I'm sure he won't object, he's less of a softie about them than I am. I always get him to tell them off if they've done something bad

Eep, fingers crossed this whole experiment goes well! Darcy really does have the most heart-wrenching yowl. Minsky doesn't scratch or yowl to my knowledge, he'll probably just find somewhere comfy to sleep and settle down.

[meep]

DM, thanks for that! And Angie, that card is hilarious!!

DM, as I said in my above reply to Angie (I think we were typing and posting at the same time) the boys don't seem to feel the cold (as yet anyway, but it's gotten pretty darned chilly at times!) We have wooden floors in some rooms and they often stretch out on them when it's freezing. I think they actually feel the warmth more than anything! Minsky has the thickest, softest coat I've seen on a cat. So I wouldn't feel mean shutting them out in the winter, as I don't think they mind the cold. Ocasionally they haven't slept on the bed with us (they're own choice) and they choose to sleep in the coldest room in the flat - the back room / study. (The sunlight hardly gets in there). So no, I won't feel mean about the cold! But it's a good point.

I bet after I buy their beds they just won't use them But when I do shut them out the first time, I'll make sure they have their beds as then they won't feel like they don't have anywhere to sleep.

[Elaine]

Living in a flat myself, we have always let the cats have the run of the place, partly because i love my bedtime cuddles and because they need the room but its not for every one and its certainly not wrong to keep them out of your bedroom if thats what you prefer.
You could try feeding them later at night and playing with them lots before bedtime to try to keep the disturbances down through the night.
You could also, if you have the room to do so, make little hidey holes for them in other rooms, to make them more attracted to staying in those rooms more, use plenty of catnip too.
Hope some of those ideas work and good luck

[smudgley]

The bed without Bluebell?? If I suggested Bluebell was not allowed in the bedroom - can you imagine the uproar

[Elaine]

Originally Posted by smudgley

The bed without Bluebell?? If I suggested Bluebell was not allowed in the bedroom - can you imagine the uproar

[Moli]

Originally Posted by smudgley

The bed without Bluebell?? If I suggested Bluebell was not allowed in the bedroom - can you imagine the uproar

Think there would be more chance of you being banned from the bedroom, than Bluebell...Smudgley