Advice needed please

[Phoenix]

To cut a long story short, my grandma's getting to the stage now where she's struggling a little bit to cope with Dylan, my brother and me. (in no particular order I hasten to add)

I can either stay here and hope she will be able to manage for a bit longer, or I can move to the next county to live with other family members (ie my mum).

I've got quite a lot to consider though, like changing jobs, changing Dylan's vet, updating Dylan's microchip, sorting Dylan's insurance ... I could go on forever. There's loads and loads to consider.

Advice as to which to do please? Dylan will be staying with me regardless of where I end up moving to.

Ideally I want to stay in Yorkshire, but it might not be possible to so I might have to move to Lincolnshire (to live with my mum)

Edit: if I do end up moving to Lincolnshire I won't be on Catsey so often.

[Shelley123]

Oh dear RCR, i don't envy you. Is there nothing to be done to help your Grandma cope?

[Phoenix]

Originally Posted by Shelley123

Oh dear RCR, i don't envy you. Is there nothing to be done to help your Grandma cope?

In all honesty I think everything's been done to help her cope.

[Donna]

Can you not get some help for your Grandma? Either family members helping out, or some professional help for the elderly?

[Kazz]

What is it that your grandmother cannot cope with?
Would she be able to look after herself if you and your brother moved? Or would she be moving into sheltered housing sort of thing.

Will your brother be moving with you to your Mom's, or staying at your Nan's or getting somewhere himself?

Is there no possibility/chance of you and your brother (sorry not sure of ages) getting a place together close to your Nan so you can be independant but supported by social services and close enough to support your Nan if needed. That way you keep your job, and your circle of friends.

Try not to worry about changing Dylans vet and information. We can talk you through that.

Would living with your Mom be a major No No?

[Phoenix]

Originally Posted by Donna

Can you not get some help for your Grandma? Either family members helping out, or some professional help for the elderly?

We are all helping out as much as possible. I don't know about professional help (she's very independant and doesn't like the idea of having somebody coming and doing all the housework and gardening done for her)

[Phoenix]

Originally Posted by Kazz

What is it that your grandmother cannot cope with?
Would she be able to look after herself if you and your brother moved? Or would she be moving into sheltered housing sort of thing.

Will your brother be moving with you to your Mom's, or staying at your Nan's or getting somewhere himself?

Is there no possibility/chance of you and your brother (sorry not sure of ages) getting a place together close to your Nan so you can be independant but supported by social services and close enough to support your Nan if needed.

Would living with your Mom be a major No No?

She'd really have difficulty looking after the house she's living in at the moment. I'm doing all I can for her (when I'm not working)

My brother will be house sharing when he's found somewhere. (brother's 23, I'll be 21 tomorrow)

Living with my mum wouldn't be a serious no-no though.
Still undecided as to what to do or where to go.

I help out the neighbours a lot as well, there's three of them who I do a fair bit for as well.

[dandysmom]

Some excellent suggestions from Kazz. I can understand your Nan not wanting to accept help, but it does sound as if it's at the point where she will have to, sooner or later. Are there any reasonably priced accommodations where you and brother could stay? I suppose not or you would have already considered that ....wish I could be of more help, RCR .....

[Kazz]

Maybe given your reply to Donna's post you should maybe with your brother sit down and say "Look Nan we are not children any more we need to improve our independance by doing more around the house, can you help us by letting us do ......" then sit down with her and work out what you can do to help/aid the smooth household running.
ie You do shopping...each cook a meal a day? take it in turns to do washing/ironing/toilet cleaning.........or one of you take on that job...work out the job share as if 3 adults sharing a house not a parent figure and two children....make it seem like you and your brother need to learn how to be independant with her help like she is helping you rather than you helping her...that may make it easier for her to accept with her pride.

[Phoenix]

Originally Posted by dandysmom

Some excellent suggestions from Kazz. I can understand your Nan not wanting to accept help, but it does sound as if it's at the point where she will have to, sooner or later. Are there any reasonably priced accommodations where you and brother could stay? I suppose not or you would have already considered that ....wish I could be of more help, RCR .....

House prices round here neither of us can afford at the moment. Even together.

Originally Posted by Kazz

Maybe given your reply to Donna's post you should maybe with your brother sit down and say "Look Nan we are not children any more we need to improve our independance by doing more around the house, can you help us by letting us do ......" then sit down with her and work out what you can do to help/aid the smooth household running.
ie You do shopping...each cook a meal a day? take it in turns to do washing/ironing/toilet cleaning.........or one of you take on that job...work out the job share as if 3 adults sharing a house not a parent figure and two children....make it seem like you and your brother need to learn how to be independant with her help like she is helping you rather than you helping her...that may make it easier for her to accept with her pride.

I'm in charge of keeping the inside clean and tidy, my brother's in charge of outside e.g. cleaning the guttering etc. Granny will still insist on doing the gardening though