One of my boys bullying my old boy

[sarah5]

I am really at my wits end and am desperate for some help and advice.

I have 3 beautiful moggies, Harvey age 16, Thomas age 2 and Charlie 18 months. I rehomed Harvey first, he is the sweetest most gentle old boy but is extremely nervous. I then rehomed Charlie who is an absolute fun bundle of delight and, at such a young age, desperately wanted to play and was irritating Harvey (who really just wants to be loved and fed!) so I rehomed Thomas who is about 2.

I was told (RSPCA) that Thomas is a loving gentle cat, never aggressive. Unfortunately I very quickly found out that Thomas is not remotely gentle nor loving. He only likes me when I feed him and, whilst he will tolerate a stroke on the head, if I pick him up or tickle him for a little too long he will bite/attack. He is the same with my children and, whilst a bit feisty, we all tolerate one another!

Unfortunately this can not be said for Thomas with my old boy Harvey. In a nutshell, Harvey is a prisoner under my bed, and has been since I first got Thomas. I always go through the proper techniques for introducing cats to one another and this was the same for introducing Thomas. If Harvey so much as pokes his little face out from under the bed, if Thomas is there he will attack. Thomas often will sit NEXT to the bed, seemingly waiting for Harvey to appear. If Harvey comes downstairs and Thomas is in the house, he will chase him back upstairs, often catching Harvey with his teeth or claws, causing fur to come out and Harvey to bleed

I am really very sad as Harvey is not having a pleasant existence, I really desperately wanted to provide a forever home and give him the best last years possible, but I really feel I am not doing this because of Thomas.

I don't believe in rehoming animals but I really am seriously considering rehoming Thomas as he clearly needs an only cat home I feel dreadful considering this and therefore am asking for anyone's help if they have any ideas or suggestions, or perhaps you might even think rehoming is the right thing to do?

At this point I'll just add that I have 2 Feliway diffusers and have tried using those natural calming tabs (can't recall their name but begins with a Z...) on Thomas but still he is vicious and aggressive with Harvey (he and Charlie generally play non stop and they have tons of toys so it's not as though he is bored either!).

Thanks for ANY help!

[pamela81]

awwww im so sorry to hea about the problems your having with Thomas, How long ago did you take him on? Im sure taht others on the forum will be able to offer valuable advice on what you can do to help Harvey enjoy his retirement years xx

[sarah5]

Thanks so much for your reply. I took on Thomas about a year ago, he has been a bully since the day he came home, little monkey!

After writing my first post, I suddenly realised how awful I sounded, and would hate for anyone to think I would rehome a pet on a whim. Quite the opposite, I have been uncertain about what to do for the entire time I have had Thomas. I really thought he would settle down and am just really sad that firstly, my poor old Harvey is being so bullied (he is such a soppy old thing and never fights back) and secondly, Thomas clearly isn't overly happy here as he permanently looks grumpy and miserable lol (although I guess some cats just are that way hey?!).

[dandysmom]

You've obviously done everything according to the book: the introductions, the Feliway, etc, and nothing is working. I'd say that your bully was meant to be an only cat, but then he does get along nicely with the young one; appartmtly he has taken a real dislike to Harvey, who won't fight back.

I'm so sorry but I can't think of any solution that wouldn't involve rehoming someone. Not the answer you were hoping for, but I cannot think of anything you haven't tried.

[Squirrel]

Sarah.... Being honest, you only sound like you're at your wits end, and worried about how Harvey is doing. You also sound concerned for Thomas, so don't worry about that.

It does sound to me as if rehoming might be the only option. But even at that, it is obvious that you have done all you can to sort things out for them without doing so.

You're not the first person to have had t realise that it's just not working, nor will you be the last... It is hard, but sometimes it's the only way to do things, especially seeing Thomas apparently views Harvey as prey.

*hugs*

[angieh]

Sarah - I really sympathise and know exactly how you feel. I took in a stray last year, he had been visiting regularly and I'd been feeding him. All observations of him with my two cats were promising and he seemed to get on well with them both. I took him to the vet and had him neutered with help from CP and bought him home quite happy to adopt him and give him a warm happy home. He turned on my two cats almost immediately and was a dreadful bully. I tried to rehome him with local advertising but to no avail and finally last December I had to take him to a rescue. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do and I still can't quite forgive myself BUT I had to do it in the interests of my two cats. Neither are elderly like your Harvey and IMO you are quite right to put his health and happiness first.

I think that rehoming Thomas is your only option. Good luck.

[sarah5]

Hi all and thank you for your lovely replies, I really am grateful and was unsure about sounding like an uncaring owner.

Now something I had not mentioned before, as I hadn't actually considered rehoming Thomas seriously, is that he has taken a huge liking to my next door neighbour. He is often found curled up in a ball on her garden chair and apparently frequently knocks on her window A few weeks ago she came round to check I was here as Thomas is so often at her house knocking on the window and curled up on her chair that she was concerned something awful had happened here and wanted to check all was well. Now apparently during the summer Thomas would immediately leap onto her lap if she was sitting outside, stretching out his long legs up onto her shoulders and nestling into her looking up at her adoringly, she said he is the most adorable and loving cat she had ever met

After reading all your replies I made up my mind that rehoming Thomas is most definitely the best thing to do, but it HAS to be the right home for Thomas and he has to be the right cat for the family. So I popped round to see my neighbour today and have a chat. She told me that Thomas was still knocking on her window frequently and that he clearly wasn't just looking for food, just that he almost seemed to feel that was 'home'. After all these things she had told me, I was almost uncertain as to whether we were talking about the same cat - I really wouldn't describe Thomas as being 'adorable' or 'loving'!! I mean, I do love him but he seems so miserable, he is always on the alert and always looks almost evil (sorry I can't think of another way to describe the look he gives). She showed me a load of photos she had taken and low and behold, it really was my Thomas she was talking about!! And while we were chatting, in sauntered Thomas, immediately leapt onto her lap, curled into a ball and purred SO SO loudly, I honestly have never seen him look so happy.

I immediately welled up, I couldn't believe what I was seeing!! This cat was totally and utterly different to the cat I see here at my house!

Anyway, sorry this is a VERY long story but I needed to get it all out!! I have asked her if she would consider rehoming Thomas. She needs to talk to her husband about it as obviously it's quite a committment to go back to having pets (they have always had cats and dogs and I get the impression that she really misses having pets). I know if it was only up to her she would have Thomas in a heartbeat as she clearly adores him How wonderful it would be to see him there so SO happy

So I'm just waiting to hear back from her as to what they decide. The only downside that we could foresee is that of course it could be really confusing for Thomas, what with being next door! But I feel quite confident that if she did decide to take him on that once she is feeding him and allowing him in her home (she hasn't let him in until today when I was there) that he would take to his new home very well. I have a really strong feeling that it is his 'forever home' , but if they decide not to take him on then I will start a search for a loving family for him.

Thanks so so much again for your lovely sympathetic replies (I really worried that people would think really badly of me for even considering rehoming).

xx

[Squirrel]

I'm so pleased to hear that there is a real possibility for your boy. Amazing that he's such a different creature there. Possibly he does just need to be the only cat in the home!

But no, there is no shame in thinking about rehoming a cat when they, and other members of your feline family, are clearly unhappy. We're into giving our cats a good life, and if they aren't happy, and picking on other cats or being picked on, then another home is required for them.

Not every home is the best place for every cat, and you are simply being a responsible 'staff member' by realising that your home isn't the best place for Thomas, and looking for somewhere better for him.

[dandysmom]

No one would ever think of you as an uncaring or callous owner! I do hope that the home next door works out for Thomas, he's obviously Dr, Jekyll there, not Mr. Hyde. I think it's a win-win situation; fingers crossed that it'll be a go! Do keep us posted, and good luck!

[sarah5]

Awww thanks SO much once again
I will let you know what they decide!